RE: A Real Christian's(TM) guide to interpreting scripture!
August 9, 2015 at 4:50 am
(This post was last modified: August 9, 2015 at 4:51 am by Homeless Nutter.)
(August 8, 2015 at 6:29 pm)Neimenovic Wrote: After much research and praying I've completed a full Real Christian's™ guide for interpreting scripture. Here it is. You won't ever need to reconsider your beliefs again.
Does the verse contradict another verse, particularly one that you like?
Yes: oh no, that's not a contradiction. You just need to maximally stretch your interpretation. Don't pull a muscle
Does the verse coincide with modern morality?
Yes: totally literal.
No: just a metaphor, chill.
Does the verse mention a rule that you agree with?
Yes: this is the word of god yo. Dem da rules.
No: oh that's just OT jewish stuff, doesn't apply to us!
Does the verse coincide with modern science?
Yes: totes literal.
No: it's just like, a metaphor man(*)
Bonus points: can the verse be interpreted in such a way that it appears to describe a scientific fact?
Yes: proof of divine revelation!!1!!!!!1
The more you know.
(*)never, EVER bother to explain what the metaphor is actually FOR. It's enough that it's metaphorical.
I have a simpler solution, that should be way less taxing for feeble minds of the gullible and the ignorant:
Do not read scripture. Just ask your priest/preacher what you're supposed to think. Then have some ice cream.
You'll be wrong either way, but at least you will have saved yourself some mental gymnastics. And you will have had ice cream.
"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one." - George Bernard Shaw
