Suicide

[Faith No More]

Well, ultimately, it's your life, Shinagami, but suicide won't end your pain. It will just pass it on to someone else. No matter how it feels, someone will be affected by your death, especially the person that has the pleasure of finding your corpse. I can say from personal exprience that that last part is extremely traumatizing.

I wish I could go back in time and tell the 19 year-old me that tried to kill himself that I can control my depression and that despite the misery life will thrust upon me along the way, I can get better. Not that it would make much difference, because I clearly survived. It would have saved me a lot of guilt, though, because seeing the looks on my girlfriend's and parents' faces as they struggled to understand that I had really tried to take my life really ate at my conscience.

But if I can get better, anyone can. Sure, it's a constant and daily struggle that I sometimes feel like I'm losing, and just getting through each day can feel like I'm treading water. But I have to remind myself that there are people in the world that cope with harder struffles, and I have to remind myself that I've been through way too much to give up now. The trauma of having the image of my best friend's dead body burned into my brain has definitely been a struggle, but it's been eight years since my last hospitalization, and I don't plan on going back.

Feel free to pm me if you need a sympathetic ear, Shinagami, but you can't let the state of the world bring you down(much easier said than done, I know). But it's like Bennyboy said, "Damn the absurdity!"