(October 5, 2015 at 12:33 pm)CautiousButExcitedNewAtheist Wrote:(October 5, 2015 at 7:32 am)SteelCurtain Wrote: Hello!
That's quite a story. I am deeply sorry about your brother. That is terrible. I hope you've found peace with that, if that's even possible.
I would caution you about "coming out" as it were at a large family gathering. Things can get pretty terrible pretty fast. My advice is to do it one on one, individually, to the people who need to know. Mom & Dad together, maybe, then siblings, then extended family, etc. In my experience when you have your whole hyper-religious family all in one room, everyone has a tendency to come at you with bullshit overload, and it is very difficult to defend yourself properly. Just a thought, in any case.
Seriously, I hope you stick around!
I appreciate this advice, it does appear sound, the only issue i have is, if i speak with mother and father first about this, when I'm done, they will immediately call my siblings and spread the word, by the time i get to discuss it with my sister and her husband, then later my other sister and her husband, then my other sister, they will all have had the opportunity to load up on ammunition & I may not be prepared enough to help them understand how I came to this conclusion. (you know how you start to explain something, and one part of what you said came from something you misunderstood and the person you're speaking with jumps on that and derails your entire point which had nothing to do with the incorrect information you provided?) these are the things i'm concerned with, I mean, i know they are aware i've been questioning things lately, but i think that's a long jump to claiming yourself an atheist, and i believe i will catch them off guard, and will get the opportunity to explain my whole position without these derailing "but what about..." questions. while i know there are parts of my explanation that are debatable, i don't want the main point to be lost.
i'm also concerned that i will properly explain how I arrived at the conclusion i've come to to one group, (maybe my sister/her husband) but not to my parents or another group. and that would be the worst feeling, I'd rather do it where everyone can hear everything i'm saying and try my best not to allow the conversation to be derailed. (at least that's my line of thinking for now)
...
In that case, you might want to write out your thoughts in advance to get them clear. You could (though I do not particularly recommend this) send a letter to everyone.
But I think you should consider all of your options. Why "come out" at all? No one is entitled to know your innermost thoughts. If you wish to share them, that is one thing, but you do not have to do so.
I never made a "grand announcement" about my atheism to my family. I have never explicitly stated my views on the subject to most of my family. My father is now dead, and so I can never tell him. I do not regret not telling him, as I do not think any good would have come of it.
Ask yourself this: How will each member of your family react to you telling them that you are an atheist? Will the reaction be good or bad? What will be the long-term affects of telling them? You don't seriously believe that they will all give up their silly beliefs because you have rejected those silly beliefs, do you?
It is your choice. It is your life that will be affected, not mine. Do what you think is best. But do so only after carefully considering the matter, considering what the likely affects will be.
"A wise man ... proportions his belief to the evidence."
— David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding, Section X, Part I.
