Responsibility transfer for atheists - dealing with uncertainty

[robvalue]

Thank you for sharing. I'm very sorry to hear you have been treated that way. I had an unhappy childhood too for different reasons.

My first reaction is to challenge the idea that "you fucked up". In my eyes, you certainly did not. Your parents are responsible for adequately preparing you for the world, and when that care is replaced with neglect it's going to make things really hard for you. We naturally trust our parents, so if they taught you that's how the world is, that's how you're going to see it. I too developed totally untrue beliefs based on psychological abuse which I'm still fighting even today.

It's not your fault, it's their fault. You've done the best you can, and the fact that you've broken free at all and have come out seeking help is amazing and you should be proud of yourself. Totally shutting down and isolating yourself would have been the much easier option.

Life isn't at all fair, and for us as individuals things often seem shit in all different kinds of ways. When I look for goodness in the world, I look to the people who are out there making a real difference. The people who volunteer their time to help people and animals, with nothing in it for them except the satisfaction of helping. The people who endlessly lobby for positive changes in the law to reduce harm and discrimination. I even look to the person on the street who gave me directions when I asked even thought there was nothing in it for him. For me it's about accepting that the world contains tons of horrible things, and people of varying degrees of good and badness, but focusing more on the good people, and on the good aspects of even the less good people. Focus on the things you can change for the better, and accept there are some things that are beyond your control.

Maybe instead of worrying about how much you've missed, you could consider it an exciting prospect that you've so much to experience that everyone else has already "been there, done that". Life isn't a competition, it's about doing your best, looking after each other and trying to enjoy it where possible.

I hope that wasn't too glib, I apologise if it was. Please continue to share your thoughts, so we can get to know you and try and help you. Was any of that useful? I understand changes in attitude take a long time and no one expects them to happen immediately.