Your opinions, please
December 7, 2015 at 2:50 pm
(This post was last modified: December 7, 2015 at 2:55 pm by Thumpalumpacus.)
So I've been in a rocky relationship for a while, we will call her Lindsey. A big reason for our difficulties has been my drinking (about a six-pack daily), so I stopped in October (coming up on two months sober, hard to believe). I've lied to her about my drinking in the past, the last time about six months ago. She's promised her support for my sobriety. Our relationship is currently not one of friends or of lovers -- it's in some curious in-between land.
In the few weeks after I quit, she twice falsely accused me of drinking. The first time I didn't say anything, because I knew that my own dishonesty in the past had sown the seeds for her mistrust. The second time we had some words, and left off the conversation in a little heat. I didn't bring it up thereafter because I didn't want to start what would inevitably be an argument. She never acknowledged my protests nor apologized, and specifically refused to do so.
But when I posted in social media about my making the one-month mark, she texted me her congratulations. I rejected her congratulations, writing her that her congratulations were hypocritical given her accusations.
It's been a sore spot between us since. She insists that I was entirely wrong for having refused her congratulations. She also thinks that in the week between her last false accusation and the texts which set off the argument, I should not have tried to avoided discussing the issue; she feels that I was being fake in that week. My attitude was "let's leave it behind us", until the congratulatory text, with its pretense.
I hold that congratulating me on my sobriety even as you hold to your charges of insobriety (which she did, she reiterated her charges in the argument that followed) is nonsense. If you are going to congratulate me, you'd ought to make note of your false accusation: "I guess I was wrong. Congrats on your month!" ... or something like that. To skip that step feels dishonest.
Would you please give me your opinions, as laid out in the poll above, and the reasoning why you feel the way you do?
In the few weeks after I quit, she twice falsely accused me of drinking. The first time I didn't say anything, because I knew that my own dishonesty in the past had sown the seeds for her mistrust. The second time we had some words, and left off the conversation in a little heat. I didn't bring it up thereafter because I didn't want to start what would inevitably be an argument. She never acknowledged my protests nor apologized, and specifically refused to do so.
But when I posted in social media about my making the one-month mark, she texted me her congratulations. I rejected her congratulations, writing her that her congratulations were hypocritical given her accusations.
It's been a sore spot between us since. She insists that I was entirely wrong for having refused her congratulations. She also thinks that in the week between her last false accusation and the texts which set off the argument, I should not have tried to avoided discussing the issue; she feels that I was being fake in that week. My attitude was "let's leave it behind us", until the congratulatory text, with its pretense.
I hold that congratulating me on my sobriety even as you hold to your charges of insobriety (which she did, she reiterated her charges in the argument that followed) is nonsense. If you are going to congratulate me, you'd ought to make note of your false accusation: "I guess I was wrong. Congrats on your month!" ... or something like that. To skip that step feels dishonest.
Would you please give me your opinions, as laid out in the poll above, and the reasoning why you feel the way you do?
