Your opinions, please

[Clueless Morgan]

Why does it matter who's right and who's wrong?
Each is right in their own eyes.

Thanks for your opinion, first off -- lot of insight in there, and it's much appreciated.

I'm the sort of guy who will ask if I'm being wrong about something. In this particular matter, our positions seem pretty intractable, and efforts at resolution run aground on each our convictions of rightness. I wanted to phrase it as a poll so I could get a quick glimpse of opinion, and also wanted well-thought answers -- and I've certainly gotten that.  But collecting those opinions would have invoked "right" and "wrong" immediately.

Why does that matter? Because if I'm wrong in my behavior, I need to change it; and if I'm right, I need to stand up for myself.  And the same can be said of her.

Thanks again for you answer, Poca.

I can see both sides of this and can sympathize with both of you.

This woman is clearly important enough to you that her opinion about your drinking habits hold sway, even if you recognize that changing this behavior is a net good for yourself as well.  I would say that if this a relationship you want to maintain that there probably needs to be some sort of heart-to-heart conversation.  She needs to air her grievances and why she thought you were lying (was it something specific or merely past history rearing it's ugly head?), and you need to express your frustration with her being, apparently, insincere in her congratulations.  No arguing, no back-and-forth, just take turns and say your piece.

With regards to recognizing that you need to change things when you're wrong, I would say that your initial handling of her accusations wasn't great.  By ignoring it or letting it go you may have been inadvertently stoking the fires of her skepticism - she may have seen it as you blowing her off.  If she makes another accusation in the future I would recommend trying to not get defensive immediately and instead ask her, in as non-confrontational a way as you can muster, why she is making the accusation, what behavior is triggering it and if there's something you can do to assure her of your honesty in the situation.  She may be reacting to old triggers you don't realize she's picking up on or she may simply be jaded because of the past.  In fact, if you have that heart-to-heart you can ask her why she accused you the previous two times and hopefully avoid accusations in the future.

I don't know if this is helpful at all but I would sincerely like to wish you the best, both with your lady and with your sobriety.