Josh -
I date guys who are that age. There are about 6 schools of thought on why I like older guys better and usually find guys my age rather boring, but I can empathize with finding someone who is older to be attractive. When I tell you "trust me on this one", I mean it. My father is 10 years older than my mother, so perhaps that has something to do with it.
You are not just young in body and mind, you are young in experience. By his age, (and I'm just generalizing - gay or straight) a man could have: gone to college, been married and divorced a couple of times, had some kids, had his heart broken 50 times over, held numerous jobs, he's likely to have a mortgage and own a good car, traveled and seen some of the world, he'll have definite habits and rituals that he's set in, he'll have opinions and tastes he's developed over the past 37 years. He has bills to pay and obligations to keep.
You are up against an entire world of memories and stories contained within him...and you've barely begun to make your own. I mean, bless, you haven't even reached legal voting or drinking age (at least here in America)! Your priorities right now are nowhere near on par with him - you have college to attend still, a solid job to find, your own opinions and tastes to develop - and trust me they will change drastically over the next 10 years. Once you start paying rent, your motives for everything (hopefully, if you take life seriously) will shift around keeping a roof over your head. Instead of worrying about hanging out with this guy now, and whether or not you love him, you should be figuring out what you want to do with your life, and who you want to be. It's a process that's going to reveal many things by the time you reach my age. When I was your age I changed from wanting to be a marine biologist to an interior designer to the administrator of an architect and landscaper, to now knowing that my real passion lies with having my own nursery. And who know? Maybe that dream will adjust itself the deeper I get into horticulture. I already have ideas. This man, he will likely have already settled into one career field.
What you must understand and guard yourself against is the fact that you cannot be 'equal' in this man's eyes until you are old enough, and somewhat experienced enough, to pit your psyche against his. You will always be his little "toy" until you grow up...and by then he might seem nothing more than an old man to you.
If that man truly cares about you, he will keep his distance until you have developed your own personality and goals and priorities. I was with someone who was my age from the time I was 17 until I was almost 23 - I resent being that devoted to *anyone* during that age now...because I didn't have a chance to discover who I was without his personality overlapping into mine. Good things about myself that were just starting to develop when I began dating him became lost in the black hole that was "us". I've spent the last 3 years figuring out who that person is all over again. Just imagine: that boy didn't (and still doesn't) know who he was back then either, and he still imprinted pieces of himself into me; what would a man who had a definite personality and goals have done to my developing mind?
And then there's the romance factor. You're 16. You are underage. You might be at the age of 'consent', but I bet there are statutory rape laws. He is well over that age. Since you are not legal in any sense, it doesn't matter if you love each other or not. You are still facing the possibility of jail time for him if you are caught. Shell and others have already expressed the necessary disgust that this man might be considering a romantic relationship with you, so I won't repeat it.
You are not going to fully understand this until you reach an age where you have some hindsight. We're not agreeing with your parents to be overbearing - we're agreeing because in this case your parents are correct. I highly doubt that they want you to move out. I'm sure they are angry but something you will also learn as you grow up is that "anger" doesn't necessarily mean "I don't love you". I also doubt that the anger is directed at you, but at the situation.
You are too young for this man, but you are not too young to start thinking sensibly. This is not a good situation, and you know that. Part of their frustration might be that you SHOULD know it's a bad situation and seemed to attempt to enter into it anyway. No one wants to watch their child commit willful ignorance. Hell, it pisses me off to watch my own brother do so, and he isn't my child. I'm sure your brother feels the same - protective of you, and because he loves you he has good expectations of you - this isn't one of them.
My first recommendation to you is to drop your relationship with this man now - remove the temptation. The second is to work on your communication skills. They ARE part of why we are claiming you are far too young. Improving your writing not only will help you effectively express how you feel about the situation to us, it can help you discuss the matter with your parents, and you will continue to use the skill through the rest of your life. Nothing looks more immature than using slang and internet lingo when you're discussing a serious matter. And nothing is more abhorrent to employers than someone who appears ill-educated through their writing. As you develop your writing skills, your verbal communication will flourish as well. All around you will be able to present yourself as a much more mature person, which will serve you everywhere. And once you are old enough to have a true relationship, you will be able to put those skills to good use wooing a person with fantastic letters and conversation. It's win-win.
I date guys who are that age. There are about 6 schools of thought on why I like older guys better and usually find guys my age rather boring, but I can empathize with finding someone who is older to be attractive. When I tell you "trust me on this one", I mean it. My father is 10 years older than my mother, so perhaps that has something to do with it.
You are not just young in body and mind, you are young in experience. By his age, (and I'm just generalizing - gay or straight) a man could have: gone to college, been married and divorced a couple of times, had some kids, had his heart broken 50 times over, held numerous jobs, he's likely to have a mortgage and own a good car, traveled and seen some of the world, he'll have definite habits and rituals that he's set in, he'll have opinions and tastes he's developed over the past 37 years. He has bills to pay and obligations to keep.
You are up against an entire world of memories and stories contained within him...and you've barely begun to make your own. I mean, bless, you haven't even reached legal voting or drinking age (at least here in America)! Your priorities right now are nowhere near on par with him - you have college to attend still, a solid job to find, your own opinions and tastes to develop - and trust me they will change drastically over the next 10 years. Once you start paying rent, your motives for everything (hopefully, if you take life seriously) will shift around keeping a roof over your head. Instead of worrying about hanging out with this guy now, and whether or not you love him, you should be figuring out what you want to do with your life, and who you want to be. It's a process that's going to reveal many things by the time you reach my age. When I was your age I changed from wanting to be a marine biologist to an interior designer to the administrator of an architect and landscaper, to now knowing that my real passion lies with having my own nursery. And who know? Maybe that dream will adjust itself the deeper I get into horticulture. I already have ideas. This man, he will likely have already settled into one career field.
What you must understand and guard yourself against is the fact that you cannot be 'equal' in this man's eyes until you are old enough, and somewhat experienced enough, to pit your psyche against his. You will always be his little "toy" until you grow up...and by then he might seem nothing more than an old man to you.
If that man truly cares about you, he will keep his distance until you have developed your own personality and goals and priorities. I was with someone who was my age from the time I was 17 until I was almost 23 - I resent being that devoted to *anyone* during that age now...because I didn't have a chance to discover who I was without his personality overlapping into mine. Good things about myself that were just starting to develop when I began dating him became lost in the black hole that was "us". I've spent the last 3 years figuring out who that person is all over again. Just imagine: that boy didn't (and still doesn't) know who he was back then either, and he still imprinted pieces of himself into me; what would a man who had a definite personality and goals have done to my developing mind?
And then there's the romance factor. You're 16. You are underage. You might be at the age of 'consent', but I bet there are statutory rape laws. He is well over that age. Since you are not legal in any sense, it doesn't matter if you love each other or not. You are still facing the possibility of jail time for him if you are caught. Shell and others have already expressed the necessary disgust that this man might be considering a romantic relationship with you, so I won't repeat it.
You are not going to fully understand this until you reach an age where you have some hindsight. We're not agreeing with your parents to be overbearing - we're agreeing because in this case your parents are correct. I highly doubt that they want you to move out. I'm sure they are angry but something you will also learn as you grow up is that "anger" doesn't necessarily mean "I don't love you". I also doubt that the anger is directed at you, but at the situation.
You are too young for this man, but you are not too young to start thinking sensibly. This is not a good situation, and you know that. Part of their frustration might be that you SHOULD know it's a bad situation and seemed to attempt to enter into it anyway. No one wants to watch their child commit willful ignorance. Hell, it pisses me off to watch my own brother do so, and he isn't my child. I'm sure your brother feels the same - protective of you, and because he loves you he has good expectations of you - this isn't one of them.
My first recommendation to you is to drop your relationship with this man now - remove the temptation. The second is to work on your communication skills. They ARE part of why we are claiming you are far too young. Improving your writing not only will help you effectively express how you feel about the situation to us, it can help you discuss the matter with your parents, and you will continue to use the skill through the rest of your life. Nothing looks more immature than using slang and internet lingo when you're discussing a serious matter. And nothing is more abhorrent to employers than someone who appears ill-educated through their writing. As you develop your writing skills, your verbal communication will flourish as well. All around you will be able to present yourself as a much more mature person, which will serve you everywhere. And once you are old enough to have a true relationship, you will be able to put those skills to good use wooing a person with fantastic letters and conversation. It's win-win.
![[Image: Untitled2_zpswaosccbr.png]](https://images.weserv.nl/?url=i1140.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fn569%2Fthesummerqueen%2FUntitled2_zpswaosccbr.png)
