Butt Wiping Techniques

[pocaracas]

Are you sure you want to know?

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While still sitting, I lift one side of myself, usually the right side, thus allowing clear access to the dirty bit.
The toilet paper is 2-ply and 2 squares are usually all that's required.
Fold the first square so you get a rectangle of 4-ply and wipe the majority of the dirty bit, going from the front to back.
Fold that rectangle onto the next square to hide away the goo and repeat, but now, from back to front.
Fold again and repeat, front to back.
At each of these wipings, check is the toilet paper is coming out dirty... if not, it's done!

If there's still some gunk after the third fold, then bring out the heavy gun: wet tissues. Same technique, but you fold the tissue in half with each go... until you can fold it no further.
Then, more toilet paper to remove that wet feeling.

All done and clean.

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Oh man, you use entirely too little toilet paper, to the point I bet you get shit all over your hands. Are you trying to save trees or something? I buy the high quality stuff, not that sand paper stuff they use in the third world. I use like six squares at least for each cleansing motion. If you and I were taking battle shits in stalls next to each other, there's no way I could spare you a square haha. Although I would feel comfortable shaking anyone's hand immediately after crapping without washing my hands due to proper wiping techniques with the rational ratio of squares, I'd fear shaking your hand after defeating you in battle shits.

I'm sure my way works really well and I manage to keep shit away from my hands.

Not really looking forward to having any shitty battle...