Apparently I need to hope I don't ever get robbed according to gun nuts

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Or let's just say there was a random sharp object on the ground, even using that would get me into trouble. But hey I inflicted enough damage. I'm just glad I didn't end up dead.

No, it most likely wouldn't, at least not under the Act. What constitutes an offensive weapon is not the intent to cause injury, but whether the object is a) designed to do so or b) has been modified to do so; combined with whether it's something a person would be reasonably expected to be carrying.

Nice. At least the UK doesn't suck as much as I thought it did.