Coming out as Atheist

[Losty]

---

I am 12, have spent half a year looking through my thoughts and pondering why I can't believe in god. I don't know why, but I may be just to speculative. My parents know I don't want to be Muslim because I have reasons but they still try to convince me. What should I do to let them accept me for who I am.

Welcome to the group.
I know this is a long response, but there are many things you must understand about choosing a different religion than your parents or the people around you.

I will tell you my own story because I was about 12 when I first started doubting my parent's Christian religion. I'm 70 now and I'm still an atheist.

At the end I will give you some advice which you can accept or not. 

I came from a very strict Protestant Christian home.  I was obliged to attend Sunday school and church, join the children's choir, then the teenage-girl's choir, attend a weekly youth group, go to Bible study classes, and spend a week or two at church camp in the summer.  

What started me on the path to doubt was that around the time I was 8 my parents started to read a chapter of the Bible every evening before dinner.  I was pretty smart and read a lot.  By 3rd grade I was reading at an 8th grade level and by 8th grade I was reading at a college level. We were reading from the King James version of the Bible which was not always easy to understand.  We started at the first chapter of Genesis and read every chapter through the end of Revelation and then started over. At first, when we read something that didn't seem to make sense, I thought I was just not understanding it.  But as we continued, I understood more and more. I asked a lot of questions such as, "Why would the god of the Bible demand that someone sacrifice his own son?"  My questions usually caused my parents to get angry because they knew I was doubting or questioning their beliefs or they used the standard response, "God works in mysterious ways."  Eventually I stopped asking, but I often read passages over and over, trying to see a different meaning to them. I wanted to believe what my parents believed, but I had a few doubts when I was about 12.  As i read more and learned more about religion, that first little crack in my belief grew larger and larger.

By the time I graduated from high school, I was sure I was an atheist, although, I'm not sure if I even knew the word "atheist" then.  Like you, I thought everyone around me was religious, so I thought something must be wrong with me.  As far as I knew, everyone in my high school class was a Christian except for one Jewish boy. All the neighbors were religious and definitely everyone in my extended family was, except for one uncle. He was originally from another country so people already thought he was a little strange.  I spoke to one of his sons a few years ago and he told me his father's take on religion was that religious people spent all of their time preparing to die and he didn't want to waste his life doing that. Even though he was an atheist his family had a Christian memorial service and buried him in a Christian cemetery.  His son (my cousin) is the only relative I have who told me he is a nonbeliever, too, but I only learned that when I was 64.

The first time I told anyone I didn't believe in god was in college and the reaction was. "Yes, you do. You just think you don't."  Several times when I've told people I was an atheist, they've said things like, "No, you're not."  But the reaction I get most often is something like, "You're such a good person.  How can you be an atheist?"  What they mean is that I act like someone who they think is religious.  I try to be kind.  I like to help people.  I am empathetic.  I have volunteered my time to help others. I easily forgive people. I try to treat others as they want to be treated.

The reality is that in the United States, atheists are thought to be untrustworthy, liars, or worse.  Many people think we've chosen to become atheists so we can do awful things without feeling guilty. The reality is that once most of us begin to doubt religion, we can't force ourselves to believe what doesn't make sense to us. In addition, I think the god that is described in the Bible is cruel, violent, and unforgiving.  I cannot worship such a being.

However, it is also true that most people know many atheists They just don't know they are atheists, because except for the belief in god, they are pretty-much like everyone else. Unless one discusses religion and admits to their lack of a belief in god, no one would know.

I taught school and I was afraid to let people know I was an atheist.  I thought I might lose my job if a parent complained that they didn't want an atheist to teach their children.  Or worse, they might tell their children that I was not trustworthy and not to believe anything I said.  I thought I might come out of the atheist closet when I retired, but I live in a community that is very conservative and very Christian and it's just not worth the hassle.

A few close friends know and of course my husband.  He refers to himself as a recovering Catholic.

So what is my advice to you?  
First, you must understand that many people will be angry at you, or even hate you, especially your parents and other family and friends.  Because your family is Muslim, admitting your doubt could be dangerous, depending on your particular branch of Islam and how that branch of the religion looks upon infidels. It also depends on where you live.  In most western countries religious differences are accepted to some degree, but your family could find your infidelity a disgrace and disown you or worse.  If you live in a Muslim country, disbelief might be punishable by death. When I was your age, I chose to go along with everything religious my parents expected of me until I was an adult.  Although I stopped going to church, as an adult I never discussed religion with my family.  I think they knew because at family gatherings everyone discussed their churches and the church activities they participated in.  No one ever asked me.

So you have to first decide if you want to let anyone else know about your doubts. Although you sound like you are very smart, 12 is still a young age to make a serious decision that might affect the rest of your life.  You depend on your parents for your home, your food, and your well-being.  If they reject you or hurt you, what will you do? If you friends reject you, your life could be very lonely.

Almost everyone belongs to the religion they were brought up in.  It is only natural that you would believe what your parents tell you when you are very young. And although many people will not admit it, almost everyone goes through a period of religious doubt in their lives.  Some people end up returning to the religion they were brought up in.  Others don't. 

Next, I suggest you read everything you can about various religions. One of the things that convinced me was when I learned that people of many religions are as dedicated and as convinced that their own religion is "true" as were my parents. I knew all religions couldn't be right, but they could all be wrong.  There have been thousands of gods that people have worshipped throughout history.  How is anyone to know which is the "right" one, if any of them are?

Understand that some people are comforted by thinking there is a god watching over them.  Churches and mosques provide a sense of belonging to people.  The rituals of religion are a constant that some people think they cannot live without.  And some people are afraid to doubt.  So, even if you are sure you are right, it is best, at least while you are young, not to criticize or question someone else's belief system. It has been proven that it is nearly impossible to change someone's mind about a long-held belief, so trying to argue with someone is nearly useless. Most people who change their religious beliefs come to that decision on their own and very gradually.

If you search online for "Muslims who became atheists" you can read about people like you. And even though most former Muslims are afraid to admit they are atheists, I have read that hundreds of thousands of people in Saudi Arabia downloaded Richard Dawkin's book about atheism.  So there are certainly many Muslims who are doubters or have already decided that Islam in not right for them.  Your parents might be upset if you bring home a book from the library about atheism.  But, if they don't monitor the websites you go to, you can search for information online. 

This group is here and will answer questions for you.  Read what others have to say, but understand that not everything you read here will be the right answer for you.

I hope this helps. I wish you the best, no matter what path you finally decide to take. 

---

Fantastic response and welcome to AF