OK, so I get the part about me being about to decide for myself what the meaning (with a small "m") of my life, and of events in my life, is. I can do this somewhat well in my work. I enjoy my work in my physics lab. I find the work to be intrinsically rewarding, meaning that I enjoy the work for its own value rather than because I want to get something else, like money. So I feel reasonably confident that I can build a system of meaning around my scientific work.
But when it comes to romantic relationships, I'm really struggling with finding meaning (and in this thread, when I say "relationships", I'm talking about romantic relationships.) I've failed pretty badly at relationships. I've been on many many dates and had seven girlfriends in my life, but none of those relationships lasted for more than a few months. I've done an enormous amount of reading about relationships and dating, including attachment theory, Imago therapy, PUA, and lots of other stuff, but none of it has been very helpful in helping me to form a stable relationship.
Relationships have always had a sort of super-meaning to me, meaning that relationships are what makes everything else meaningful. In my scientific work I've often thought to myself, "What's the point of doing science when I come home to an empty apartment every night?" This seems to hold true for most things in my life, including sports and fitness, social life, hobbies, etc. It feels like these activities are meaningless if they don't lead to me to what I really want, which is a romantic relationship. I've learned to surf in the last two years, but it feels meaningless because my surfing skills haven't gotten me a girlfriend.
Some of this comes from my Mormon upbringing, in which the whole point of the life of a Mormon is to get married so you can make Mormon babies who can then pay more money to the Church. Part of it is my anxious attachment style, which makes me somewhat preoccupied with relationships.
I can't seem to get away from this idea, though: If I'm just going to end up alone, then what's the point of doing anything?
But I already know that most relationships aren't all moonlight and roses. In fact, the majority of marriages are unhappy marriages (which is a topic I'd like to discuss in another thread.) I have often wondered why people seem to continue to want relationships in spite of the high failure rate of relationships, and I would include myself in that group. But that's a different discussion.
The standard self-help guru advice is that I need to become more independent and more comfortable with myself, and to build up an amazing fulfilling satisfying life such that I don't feel that I need a relationship to complete me. But no amount of awesomeness in my life has been able to take the place of a real person by my side to go do stuff with.
So the thing that I'm wanting to discuss here is the super-meaning of relationships, which is that having a close intimate relationship in your life seems to give extra meaning to all the other things you do, and that lacking a close intimate relationship makes other activities in your life feel meaningless.
What do you think?
But when it comes to romantic relationships, I'm really struggling with finding meaning (and in this thread, when I say "relationships", I'm talking about romantic relationships.) I've failed pretty badly at relationships. I've been on many many dates and had seven girlfriends in my life, but none of those relationships lasted for more than a few months. I've done an enormous amount of reading about relationships and dating, including attachment theory, Imago therapy, PUA, and lots of other stuff, but none of it has been very helpful in helping me to form a stable relationship.
Relationships have always had a sort of super-meaning to me, meaning that relationships are what makes everything else meaningful. In my scientific work I've often thought to myself, "What's the point of doing science when I come home to an empty apartment every night?" This seems to hold true for most things in my life, including sports and fitness, social life, hobbies, etc. It feels like these activities are meaningless if they don't lead to me to what I really want, which is a romantic relationship. I've learned to surf in the last two years, but it feels meaningless because my surfing skills haven't gotten me a girlfriend.
Some of this comes from my Mormon upbringing, in which the whole point of the life of a Mormon is to get married so you can make Mormon babies who can then pay more money to the Church. Part of it is my anxious attachment style, which makes me somewhat preoccupied with relationships.
I can't seem to get away from this idea, though: If I'm just going to end up alone, then what's the point of doing anything?
But I already know that most relationships aren't all moonlight and roses. In fact, the majority of marriages are unhappy marriages (which is a topic I'd like to discuss in another thread.) I have often wondered why people seem to continue to want relationships in spite of the high failure rate of relationships, and I would include myself in that group. But that's a different discussion.
The standard self-help guru advice is that I need to become more independent and more comfortable with myself, and to build up an amazing fulfilling satisfying life such that I don't feel that I need a relationship to complete me. But no amount of awesomeness in my life has been able to take the place of a real person by my side to go do stuff with.
So the thing that I'm wanting to discuss here is the super-meaning of relationships, which is that having a close intimate relationship in your life seems to give extra meaning to all the other things you do, and that lacking a close intimate relationship makes other activities in your life feel meaningless.
What do you think?
