(January 20, 2017 at 10:53 am)phoenix31 Wrote: I don't usually post introductions on forums, but I thought some background would be beneficial, as I've enjoyed reading some of the other intro posts. I'm a 36 year old married mother of two and a coffee-aholic... and I guess being 36, I'm a little bit late to the party.
I come from a charismatic Christian background with very sincere parents who homeschooled me and focused everything in my life around Jesus. I married and continued full steam ahead with ministry, not pursuing a career and dropping in and out of community college as necessary to keep ministry first.
I was attending church until two weeks ago. I lost my faith some time ago but was trying to pretend with myself and others, and that doesn't work so well. My husband finally asked me outright if I even believed in Christianity and I couldn't lie to him, so I fessed up and here I am. My children are 6 and 10, so they know that I am leaving the church due to some disagreements, but I haven't told them I am an atheist because I don't want to stress them out thinking their mother is going to burn in hell. I am hoping they will have their own questions as they get older and the topic will rise organically but, who ever knows how these things will turn out... I am hoping that my marriage will survive my deconversion, and I guess we shall see.
I have mental health problems that are currently very stable due to proper medication. About 5 or 6 years ago I had a mental health crisis that landed me in the hospital for an extended period of time, and I found that despite all my praying and "spiritual warfare" and worshiping, God wasn't coming to help me and I was by myself.
There are plenty of small things that have affected me leaving the faith, such as early myths of gods rising from the dead just like Jesus, etc. but one nail in the coffin is the whole topic of evolution. I was staunchly and diligently taught Ken Ham's version of "creationism" but I've found websites debunking that information, and when you believe in evolution, religion starts to unravel rather quickly. I looked into some Christians who believe in evolution, but found they could not reconcile it with the Bible in a way that was satisfactory to me.
I have a part time job at a Christian school which I have had to make plans to leave at the end of this school year. Luckily I have started another part time job that will be taking its place. I will be making less money but I can live with myself.
I'm currently pursuing a basic, foundational knowledge of philosophy from the beginning, just for my own enrichment as well as to borrow some ideas with which to build a world view. I am very bad with hard logic so I also look forward to coming here with questions and lurking on others' posts to learn things and gather information.
I have mixed feelings about all of this. On the one hand, I feel liberated and that life is my own. From another aspect I feel embarrassed that I am so so uninformed and undecided about life the world at the age of 36, but I'm choosing to forge ahead and not let that hold me back from exploring and experiencing what the rest of my life has to offer. Additionally, I am very sad about the community I have left behind, and situations with Christians who still come into contact with me are tense and awkward. I feel bad that they are so grieved and spend time worrying about me. I also feel relieved to let go of that kind of wasted time and effort.
So that's that. I look forward to conversing with members of the forum. Thanks for reading.
Time will tell, never lose hope..........and don't care what other people think.
