My mom is going through the worst part of all this obviously. But it is terrifying to watch. Even with prior stuff she has been through. I know everyone who loves their parents as much as I love my mom goes through this. I know it is unavoidable in reality no matter what, you can only delay it.
It is hard as hell putting on a brave face and smile for her when I am with her. I freak out and mostly break down when I am alone. Sometimes I am so emotionally drained I cant feel anything.
We've always been an odd couple. She is a retired teacher raised that things go a certain way, boys don't cry buck it up. I am sensitive. My dad died when I was 13 so she ended up raising me through my horrible teens by herself. It was no utopia. We butted heads alot back then. But all in retrospect now, she simply wanted me to be ready and tough. We never had a manual of how to be a parent or child. But the one thing that has never wavered is her love and support. Back in 05 I moved down here to live with her and help her out, and we have grown really close since. We still have our personality differences but we have a much much closer better understanding of each other. She doesn't expect me to be serious all the time like growing up. You cannot change the past no, but I am so thankful that we have grown closer with all this.
I am going to miss her calling me every day. I am going to miss her reminding me to pay my bills. I am going to miss her telling me to not yell at the TV when the Redskins blow a play. I am gong to miss her asking me about my debates online. I am going to miss watching the Ohio State games with her. I am going to miss our inside jokes about Rubber Ducky, changing cell tower lights, counting trees. I am going to miss her saying "I made it myself" when she burps. She hated that when I was a kid if I burped and didn't say "excuse me". I am going to miss playing table top football waiting for our food at brunch at Sunny Side. I am going to miss taking her out for her favorite steak. I am going to miss teasing her about putting things back where they go. She hated that I was unorganized growing up. I am going to miss her and her friends ganging up on me. No I mean I am an easy tease. I am even going to miss her yelling at me. With all her prior health problems, I knew she would be ok if she muster the energy to say "shut up" "let me do it" "leave me alone".
Time is a double edge sword. It is amazing that we are even here. But there is no way to escape our finite existence. But right now I want to scream but can't. My selfish side wants more but knows it would be unfair to her. I have to leave now to go and see her. I hate having to leave at night but she has a room mate so I cant stay all night.
It is hard as hell putting on a brave face and smile for her when I am with her. I freak out and mostly break down when I am alone. Sometimes I am so emotionally drained I cant feel anything.
We've always been an odd couple. She is a retired teacher raised that things go a certain way, boys don't cry buck it up. I am sensitive. My dad died when I was 13 so she ended up raising me through my horrible teens by herself. It was no utopia. We butted heads alot back then. But all in retrospect now, she simply wanted me to be ready and tough. We never had a manual of how to be a parent or child. But the one thing that has never wavered is her love and support. Back in 05 I moved down here to live with her and help her out, and we have grown really close since. We still have our personality differences but we have a much much closer better understanding of each other. She doesn't expect me to be serious all the time like growing up. You cannot change the past no, but I am so thankful that we have grown closer with all this.
I am going to miss her calling me every day. I am going to miss her reminding me to pay my bills. I am going to miss her telling me to not yell at the TV when the Redskins blow a play. I am gong to miss her asking me about my debates online. I am going to miss watching the Ohio State games with her. I am going to miss our inside jokes about Rubber Ducky, changing cell tower lights, counting trees. I am going to miss her saying "I made it myself" when she burps. She hated that when I was a kid if I burped and didn't say "excuse me". I am going to miss playing table top football waiting for our food at brunch at Sunny Side. I am going to miss taking her out for her favorite steak. I am going to miss teasing her about putting things back where they go. She hated that I was unorganized growing up. I am going to miss her and her friends ganging up on me. No I mean I am an easy tease. I am even going to miss her yelling at me. With all her prior health problems, I knew she would be ok if she muster the energy to say "shut up" "let me do it" "leave me alone".
Time is a double edge sword. It is amazing that we are even here. But there is no way to escape our finite existence. But right now I want to scream but can't. My selfish side wants more but knows it would be unfair to her. I have to leave now to go and see her. I hate having to leave at night but she has a room mate so I cant stay all night.
