RE: My mom is dying, going to need an ear.
February 28, 2017 at 9:53 pm
(This post was last modified: February 28, 2017 at 10:25 pm by Brian37.)
There has to be lots of truth to people being under and still hearing you. It was hell today. At first she was lucid when I came in not as talkative. But hospice help came in to give her a bath I went out to the store and at that point they had upped her morphine. She was out for the rest of the day. Totally limp and unresponsive. It is hell watching my mom's chest go down and seems like forever, only to slightly puff up. All I could do is talk to her but without the responses I felt desperate, especially with not having her grab my thumb tightly. But somehow she knew when I started talking about having to leave and watching Wheel Of Fortune with her she woke up somewhat knowing I was going to leave. She finally started grabbing my thumb again and even gave me a few smiles and a kiss.
It is hell, because I want to be there but don't want to be there both at the same time. I want to be there for that last smile but nobody wants to watch their loved one die either while cognitive or under. I don't even know if she will make it through the night. I don't know if it is worse being there while she is under or, now dreading the call being at home.
All that Hollywood crap about end of life and death, is just that, crap. It isn't glorious, it isn't something to put on a pedestal. It is ugly and frightening, and messy. Certainly nothing compared to the person having to face their own mortality and pain. But to those whom know that person, in my case my mom, who has been nothing but giving and supportive my entire life. To see such a mundane everyday event that has happened since the start of evolution hit this close to home, to the tune of 50 to 60 million times per year in all it's forms, to see what my rational side knows is a given, to see it happen to my mom, is still frightening.
Don't worship death as some magical sacrifice, value those real moments. If there is anything both theist and atheist alike should agree on, now is all we know we have.
It is hell, because I want to be there but don't want to be there both at the same time. I want to be there for that last smile but nobody wants to watch their loved one die either while cognitive or under. I don't even know if she will make it through the night. I don't know if it is worse being there while she is under or, now dreading the call being at home.
All that Hollywood crap about end of life and death, is just that, crap. It isn't glorious, it isn't something to put on a pedestal. It is ugly and frightening, and messy. Certainly nothing compared to the person having to face their own mortality and pain. But to those whom know that person, in my case my mom, who has been nothing but giving and supportive my entire life. To see such a mundane everyday event that has happened since the start of evolution hit this close to home, to the tune of 50 to 60 million times per year in all it's forms, to see what my rational side knows is a given, to see it happen to my mom, is still frightening.
Don't worship death as some magical sacrifice, value those real moments. If there is anything both theist and atheist alike should agree on, now is all we know we have.
