My mom is dying, going to need an ear.

[Brian37]

Thank you so much, you don't know how much that means to me. It makes it even more bittersweet because she won't read this. 

It is nothing you get over, but only learn to cope with. I am doing better now, but still have my moments.

Death of a loved one or friend, it does not matter how, it is something everyone eventually faces. It is never easy. My poetry is my way of coping.

You're welcome *hugs*

I'm by nature a very stoic person; I very rarely cry... not for any macho reason but because if I do cry it'll open up the floodgates and I might be overwhelmed by it and not be able to cope. So I try to 'let things go' or distance myself from them... but there's a fine line between letting go and repressing things. But in the case of profound loss, I think the only way to truly deal with it is to open those floodgates and let whatever's going to come out, come out... as you've done in this thread. I've done that a few times in my life... sometimes crying for days on end till I could cry no more, but not many, so I really admire your courage for that, and I can see that it's the right way to work through feelings to get to a better place. I know it's hard for you, and it would be for me as well, but I really think this thread is the best therapy through it you could have, and is clearly helping you work through it to a better place. It's the whole grieving process, through all of its stages, laid bare and is a lasting testament to how much you loved her and love her still. You said in one of your poems that words could never capture who she was or what she meant to you, but this thread as a whole starts to. It may only capture the tip of the iceberg but it is best eulogy you could ever give

Don't admire me too much, I am still just as flawed as any other human and still have my own baggage.

I think my mom should be far more admired. She literally did more in her life than even some of her closest friends knew. But she was a teacher, and thousands of kids benefited from that in her career, and I cannot think of a more noble profession. I am simply happy most for her providing me the opportunity for decades to write my poetry, on any and all topics. I wouldn't have written everything I have if it had not been for her support. The poems for her are the least I can do to honor her. I can never repay her for everything she did for me, so this is my bittersweet thank you to her.