RE: Give what you get?
July 18, 2017 at 5:32 pm
(This post was last modified: July 18, 2017 at 5:34 pm by *Deidre*.)
(July 18, 2017 at 4:38 pm)Khemikal Wrote: Who puts any thought into this, legit question. How often does anyone find themselves doing a sort of mental calculus of kindness?
People who are taken advantage of, that's who. If you've never been taken advantage of when you've shown kindness to mean people, congratulations.
(July 18, 2017 at 4:41 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:(July 18, 2017 at 4:18 pm)*Deidre* Wrote: So how do you react when someone belittles you or betrays you, in some way? I don't believe in revenge but do you remain friends with people who don't treat you well?
That is on a case by case basis. I may have done something and belittling/betraying me may have seemed or was justified to them. I'd have to go back and reassess the situation and their motives/actions. If I also find it justified or at least understandable then meh, I let it go (forgive?). If I don't, then I'll be on the look out for their continuing unacceptable behavior. If due to a misunderstanding and I think we can work things out then that's the path. If I find it completely unacceptable and there is no change, I'll probably move on.
But the tit for tat, I'll only like you if you like me first, you didn't pick me up when you said so next time is pay back, I asked for Coke and you brought me 7UP so that goes on the list for the next opportunity, on and on and on, is passive aggressive manipulation. I could probably tolerate the person but they'll never make it into the friend zone. At some point there has to be some unconditional giving-forgiving/emotional connection.
But friendships can't be one-sided lest they stop being friendships.
