I would like some advise

[Jenny A]

I am an atheist and have been sense my early 20's.  

Religion was a very small part of my life before i jumped ship and then completely absent for many years.  
Now that I have two sons religion has once again entered my life.  

Here is a little background information on me and the situation.

My family is very roman catholic and southern.  My parents sent me to catholic schools, I received a well rounded education and was well prepared for college.  I have always been very skeptical about religion and from a very early age I just could not bring myself to really care to much about it.  At some point during college I decided to take a hard look at religion and i quickly came to the conclusion that religion is a scam.  Granted they often do good things with the money and influence people give them, but they also can do some pretty evil shit as well.

My wife is what I call face value religious.  She has a working knowledge of the catholic faith (as do I), but she does a bit of picking and choosing as to how strictly she follows church doctrine.  I am not out to impress anyone and I rarely discuss my personal beliefs.  If i am asked flat out "Do you believe in god?" typically I answer truthfully. (sometimes I do not want to go through the hassle of a religious debate)  My wife knows my stance on god, I actively avoid the subject because I know it upsets her.  I told my father about 20 years ago his response to me was something like "Believe whatever you like, just don't go around making an ass of yourself."  Which i think is pretty good advise.  I think the rest of my immediate family knows but we do not bring it up and we get along just fine.

The public schools in our area are sub standard so we sent our boys to catholic school.  I feel like they are getting a well rounded education, both of them are dyslexic and the school has worked with us to address the issue (We pushed the issue until the school gave the accommodations, and allowed outside help to address their needs.  It was not just my wife and I two other couples joined in on our push).  
The only real problem I have had with the school is when they wanted to take the 7th graders to protest a planned parenthood facility.  I think that activism should be a personal decision, and the school was wrong in doing this.  I did not allow my son to go, while i did not make a public spectacle of the situation there were several heated discussions with school officials.  (for the record, I am against abortion as convenience, but that is an entirely different discussion) 

Over the past six months my oldest has started asking my wife and I questions about the catholic faith.  He also has pointed out some of my "indiscretions" ie: I do go to mass with my wife and kids but i never bother with confession, and i often skip holy days of obligation.  The kids are both heavily involved in sports and other activities outside the school and church.  We do participate in some school sports/activities but unlike some of our friends we don't tend to rotate around the church.  I have always been very careful how I answer religious questions.  I ask him what the church teaches, then i ask him what other reasons/motivations could be involved.  I admit to throwing out small pieces of rationality, mainly to see if he can put it together.  

These questions have become deeper and often involve some of the deeply ingrained catholic beliefs and traditions.  I do not remember asking my parents questions about the catholic church like he does us.  I just don't remember caring that much, my father and I are very close and i can't remember a time in my life where I would not ask his advise but religion never came up, as i remember.  I guess my son's wiring is different than mine, perhaps they have better religion teachers now.  I do encourage him to ask me questions about pretty much anything, which is very similar to the relationship my father an I enjoy.

This is what I want help with.

I am curious as to if I should flat out tell my oldest (13) I do not believe in god or do I let him arrive to that conclusion on his own?   I would still encourage him to make his own mind up.

   Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
      In my opinion I suffered no ill effects from a very similar upbringing.
      I do think that my opinion will carry a heavy weight with him, keeping my true thoughts from him is very much against my nature, but this is about him not me.
      The family dynamic may suffer some short term friction. (Keep in mind that our lives do not rotate around the catholic church, our children's well being is our main concern) 

Thanks for any and all reply's. I tend to write forum posts as a stream of consciousness so forgive grammatical errors.

HM

I have two girls. One has just turned 18, the other is 20. I am atheist. Thier father is deist. My mother is very religious. My father went half way through seminary but died agnostic or at least he was non practicing. My in laws are Christian but not dramatically.

We let the girls go to church with grandparents. We let them have the religious books, videos and toys grandparents gave them. We let them go to church. We talked about both the cultural importance of those things, and also why we didn't believe in them. We talked more seriously after the girls passed ten or so.

The result? One child believed for a few years. The other never did. The one who believed is the more forceful atheist, but they are both atheists.

Don't lie to your kids. Don't hid others' beliefs either.

Talk to your wife about this and be open about what you each believe and why.