I would like some advise

[mordant]

I have two girls. One has just turned 18, the other is 20.  I am atheist.  Thier father is deist.  My mother is very religious.  My father went half way through seminary but died agnostic or at least he was non  practicing. My in laws are Christian but not dramatically.

We let the girls go to church with grandparents.   We let them have the religious books, videos and toys grandparents gave them.  We let them go to church.  We talked about both the cultural importance of those things, and also why we didn't believe in them.  We talked more seriously after the girls passed ten or so.

The result?  One child believed for a few years.  The other never did. The one who believed is the more forceful atheist, but they are both atheists.

Don't lie to your kids. Don't hide others' beliefs either.

Talk to your wife about this and be open about what you each believe and why.

This is pretty much what happened to my current wife. During her child rearing years she probably would have identified as agnostic and had no appreciable religious background herself. Nevertheless she sent her son & daughter to a religious day care, and because her daughter expressed an interest, got her a children's Bible story book which was part of her bedtime story reading.

Eventually the daughter, who was very social, became very involved in the Presbyterian church her biological father attended, but at 18 when she completed catechism class, where they made a big show of letting the kids come to their own conclusions, her own conclusion was that god doesn't exist. I don't think they expected it to backfire like that. As for her brother -- never believed it for a second and still doesn't. So ... you could say one child believed for a few years, the other never did. Although I would say in our case the one who NEVER believed is the more "forceful" atheist. I think, honestly, my stepdaughter just doesn't ponder existential / philosophical questions all that much. My stepson on the other hand is majoring in philosophy at university.

Your point about not hiding other's beliefs is also well taken. Logic and evidence are on the side of atheism, so unlike with theists, believers are not a threat to us. It's true they have a social majority status in their favor, but arguably a child who cannot stand up to that probably will be better off being a conformist anyway.