My frustration with the whole thing, particularly as aggravated by a couple of relatively close 'hits' from the problem is evident. I'm aware of my internal contradictory angles too. Damn them all and I don't care if they all die, and god fucking dammit, another one fucking died.
I'm aware I'm experiencing some EKR style 'bargaining', the issue being somewhat more palatable, perhaps, if I was in control of who lives and who dies.
(gee, a goddamn 12 Stepper with control issues, Jesus Fucking Christ, that's a unique fucking thing, NOT)
I won't go in to too much detail, but someone relatively close to me is really fucking up in their addiction, and I could care less. Agreeable to a greater degree when hammered, not blowing a shit load of $$$ on their problem, and actually being pretty benign in the area of posing a risk to others. Fuck 'em.
And then I get a cage rattler outta the past and have a melt down.
That trait goes all the way back to my 'coming out' in the fall of '75. The friends I made in that era set a pattern, the people I'm close to rate higher than family. (who by and large I am not very open to about the part of my life I do share with those I'm open with)
And still haven't had time to track down an Al Anon meeting . . .
I'm aware I'm experiencing some EKR style 'bargaining', the issue being somewhat more palatable, perhaps, if I was in control of who lives and who dies.
(gee, a goddamn 12 Stepper with control issues, Jesus Fucking Christ, that's a unique fucking thing, NOT)
I won't go in to too much detail, but someone relatively close to me is really fucking up in their addiction, and I could care less. Agreeable to a greater degree when hammered, not blowing a shit load of $$$ on their problem, and actually being pretty benign in the area of posing a risk to others. Fuck 'em.
And then I get a cage rattler outta the past and have a melt down.
That trait goes all the way back to my 'coming out' in the fall of '75. The friends I made in that era set a pattern, the people I'm close to rate higher than family. (who by and large I am not very open to about the part of my life I do share with those I'm open with)
And still haven't had time to track down an Al Anon meeting . . .
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
