Phrases and idioms that trigger you.

[Edwardo Piet]

Ha, what I hate is phrases that start with "I'm not a racist but [insert racism]". Or "I'm not homophobic but [insert homophobia]".

I mean, they're obviously bothersome because of the bigoted statements at the end. But the "I'm not an X but" prefix makes them extra annoying. There's literally no reason to say shit like that if you're not trying too hard to not seem the way you clearly are. Like, I've never once known a person prefix a statement with "I'm not an X but" without being an X. I can't imagine why the fuck anyone would say they were "not an X but" without being an X even if they did. Like does that even happen?

Let me try to do it. I'm not an alien from outer space but . . . I really like . . . I really can't. I mean Star wars is great.

See I'm lost for words, it doesn't fucking work.

I'm not a fucking bastard but I really like being really horrible on purpose. See that's a joke, I can't seriously state that.

Let me try again.

I'm not an awful person but I can't afford to give to charity.

See, that doesn't work either, I have to add the "can't afford" in because I can't honestly pretend to not care because I do.

How the fuck is anyone supposed to say "I'm not an X but" and make their statement seriously not represent them genuinely being an X? It's really fucking hard.

Hey! Let's play the I'm-Not-An-X-But-[insert-something-that-sounds-genuinely-nothing-like-an-X-and-still-makes-sense-and-seems-honest] game! I don't expect many winners.

If someone says they're not horrible they just can't afford to give to charity. I don't get why that doesn't work.

And I can think of loads of times when a statement like that could be used to clear up an anticipated misconception.

"I'm not a difficult boss to work for but I have to fire him for what he did as it comes under gross misconduct."

It could be used in this sense for an objection by the employee which has been anticipated by the employer.

" I'm not ultra picky when it comes to girls but I want them to at least have good teeth."

" I'm not a wild person but when you knew me I was going through phase of taking drugs, my personality was different. I'm actually quite sensible now."

The phrase "I'm not being funny but" annoys me, not because I don't think anyone could follow that with something reasonable. It's just because most people I know who use that phrase do follow it with something unreasonable. Most the time anyway.

LOL see none of those phrases sound honest or sensible. Why even mention that you're not a difficult boss to work for, or not ultra picky, or not a wild person in the first place? That's the point lol.

---

Oh I have one of them. The one that triggers me (slightly) is when something turns out well for me and the response is something like "You see? Sometimes all you have to do is ask the universe!". It's not only retarded to think that the universe tried to help me out, but it's also retarded to assume that anything I did was me asking the universe. It's like no matter how much I can distance myself from the wooy bullshit some Neopagan moron can convince themselves that I asked the universe for a favor. Even saying that God helped me out seems more honest than pretending I asked for the universe. At least a theist can pretend that God helped me out out of kindness despite my disbelief in him, but to pretend that I fucking asked the universe for ANYTHING is so fucked up. It would be the equivalent of a theist telling me that many things I had said were in fact prayers to God despite my atheism. It's the equivalent to the phew theists who actually believe that atheism is impossible and EVERYONE believes in God, and atheists are in denial about their belief (there are theists who actually believe in this.What the fuck do they think new born babies think there's some SkyDaddy up there? But I digress).

Fuck "ask the universe" fuck it in the ass with a very appropriate ass-fucking device. Shit there's gotta be a word for those things. It's on the tip of my tongue. Begins with D.

Not a fan of Noel Edmonds then, I take it.

Yes. Yes I am not a fan of Noel Edmonds. He's a fucking arsehole wankerface.

He's described in this sketch quite well:

---

I've had certain people asking if I feel like going to visit them, although they never visit me, and when I say I don't know they have said "well, just try". Yeah, I know they're meaning well and all that, but the implication that I'm not trying pisses me off to the atomic level. Same with suggestions that I'm choosing to feel the way I do. And they're the ones that act all butthurt when I ask them not to tell me what I feel.

We both share this trigger. In fact I already mentioned it in the OP

I fucking hate it when people tell me to just try or try harder or any of that bollocks.

---

"karma is gonna get you"

-Teresa

I love this one for the look of consternation I get when I reply with "Tell that bitch she better bring a friend."

I mean for starters, it's a fucking miquote.

It's not "Karma is gonna get you", it's: