I was unaware of the long term negative effect my hospice volunteering and the AIDS crisis had on me. Even felt kinda cocky about it that the AIDS thing was powerless to lay a glove on me even.
Sure, I was aware of my raging case of survivors guilt, but I was firmly of the opinion it was an entirely natural and acceptable consequence of it. I was so sure, in fact, I feel there is something wrong with people I know who went through the same/worse that I did and don't have it.
So, it was quite the jolt to have finally wiki'd 'survivors guilt' and discover it's part of PTSD.
Shit and goddamn it. I've had it since 2/87. Recently discussed a conversation I had had back then with someone and pointed out all the red flags I was exhibiting at that time and was unaware. It's had a profound impact on my life since. I had a 2 year 'vacation' from it when things were so bad after Brian died my physician noticed it all on his own and put me on an antidepressant. But we still missed the big picture there, we just knocked the top off the mountain there, the rest of the mountain remains.
I have added 'PTSD' to my medical chart with current physician, but we are focused on the gall bladder issue for the time being, and that's fine. That is a helluva distraction all by itself.
I've noticed that opening up about it bit by bit is helping. I might swing by an LGBTQ friendly counseling center soon and ask for a referral and/or support group info. There otta be quite a few 'walking wounded' from the AIDS crisis, the issue is even mentioned in the video We Were Here for gosh sake, and I think being around some others like me could be an opportunity for me to help and be helped.
Sure, I was aware of my raging case of survivors guilt, but I was firmly of the opinion it was an entirely natural and acceptable consequence of it. I was so sure, in fact, I feel there is something wrong with people I know who went through the same/worse that I did and don't have it.
So, it was quite the jolt to have finally wiki'd 'survivors guilt' and discover it's part of PTSD.
Shit and goddamn it. I've had it since 2/87. Recently discussed a conversation I had had back then with someone and pointed out all the red flags I was exhibiting at that time and was unaware. It's had a profound impact on my life since. I had a 2 year 'vacation' from it when things were so bad after Brian died my physician noticed it all on his own and put me on an antidepressant. But we still missed the big picture there, we just knocked the top off the mountain there, the rest of the mountain remains.
I have added 'PTSD' to my medical chart with current physician, but we are focused on the gall bladder issue for the time being, and that's fine. That is a helluva distraction all by itself.
I've noticed that opening up about it bit by bit is helping. I might swing by an LGBTQ friendly counseling center soon and ask for a referral and/or support group info. There otta be quite a few 'walking wounded' from the AIDS crisis, the issue is even mentioned in the video We Were Here for gosh sake, and I think being around some others like me could be an opportunity for me to help and be helped.
The granting of a pardon is an imputation of guilt, and the acceptance a confession of it.
