The only time when I know what happiness is is when I'm happy. Most of my life I'm feeling like I don't even understand what it's supposed to be or feel like. I never get butterflies in my tummy or any physical sort of indication. To me happiness is just the conviction that I somehow know I'm happy, whatever that ever means, I guess I'm not suffering and I'm having fun but I don't feel empty or like everything is meaningless and grey and hopeless*. Like I normally do.
Most of the time I can't seem to make sense of what happiness is. And when I do feel happy it's non-physcial (well, I mean I can feel the same sensations as I do when I'm unhappy (even painful and uncomfortable ones) but somehow I am convinced I am happy). Most of the time I can't seem to even understand what 'happy' even means. Including now. I just know I sort of know what it is when I somehow convince myself that I feel it.
*
Most of the time I can't seem to make sense of what happiness is. And when I do feel happy it's non-physcial (well, I mean I can feel the same sensations as I do when I'm unhappy (even painful and uncomfortable ones) but somehow I am convinced I am happy). Most of the time I can't seem to even understand what 'happy' even means. Including now. I just know I sort of know what it is when I somehow convince myself that I feel it.
*
