RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
January 17, 2018 at 10:09 am
(This post was last modified: January 17, 2018 at 10:27 am by The Grand Nudger.)
If you know your careers on the line when you make the move on some date....and if he didn't know that then a picture of incompetence emerges..then you probably ought to come up with a damn good vetting system. 
It's possible to misinterpret road signs, too...but we recognize that no one with too high a propensity for misinterpreting those signs should be driving a car. The same has to be true about swinging richard or having the gravy boat polished.
Heres a fun way to rearrange the particulars and see if we notice something relevant. Imagine the hypothetically difficult rape of a man..or a young boy. Now I know that somebody can pop up and tell me "ofc you can take advatage of a young boy sexually"..but we have to concede that there ios a certain opinion and norm, to the contrary - and at least some boys think precisely that when they're being taken advantage of. As that boy, in that moment..a person might be thinking..and visibly showing signs of distress...something along the following:
This doesn't feel right or good..and I don't want it - but...
-I think I'm supposed to.
-that this is me getting lucky.
-that I have to reciprocate now that she's performed a sex act on me.
-that I have to be consistent now that I've consensualy performed one sex act on her.
-that if I'm not consistent and reciprocal people will think I'm a fickle and selfish whore, or maybe just plain old gay.
-that I flat out don't know what to do, panic, and freeze.
-or maybe disgusted resignation to a perceived fate or state of affairs. Chin up, it'll be over in a minute.
So...those are some of the ways that the illusion of control can evaporate. Notions of expectation, consistency, reciprocity, negative consequence, and panic. Our biology and behavioral responses are incredibly subversive..in that position.
It's possible to misinterpret road signs, too...but we recognize that no one with too high a propensity for misinterpreting those signs should be driving a car. The same has to be true about swinging richard or having the gravy boat polished.
Heres a fun way to rearrange the particulars and see if we notice something relevant. Imagine the hypothetically difficult rape of a man..or a young boy. Now I know that somebody can pop up and tell me "ofc you can take advatage of a young boy sexually"..but we have to concede that there ios a certain opinion and norm, to the contrary - and at least some boys think precisely that when they're being taken advantage of. As that boy, in that moment..a person might be thinking..and visibly showing signs of distress...something along the following:
This doesn't feel right or good..and I don't want it - but...
-I think I'm supposed to.
-that this is me getting lucky.
-that I have to reciprocate now that she's performed a sex act on me.
-that I have to be consistent now that I've consensualy performed one sex act on her.
-that if I'm not consistent and reciprocal people will think I'm a fickle and selfish whore, or maybe just plain old gay.
-that I flat out don't know what to do, panic, and freeze.
-or maybe disgusted resignation to a perceived fate or state of affairs. Chin up, it'll be over in a minute.
So...those are some of the ways that the illusion of control can evaporate. Notions of expectation, consistency, reciprocity, negative consequence, and panic. Our biology and behavioral responses are incredibly subversive..in that position.
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