RE: Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist
January 18, 2018 at 4:12 am
(This post was last modified: January 18, 2018 at 4:25 am by Edwardo Piet.)
(January 17, 2018 at 5:46 pm)Shell B Wrote:(January 17, 2018 at 5:43 pm)Khemikal Wrote: I think that if he wanted to say "bitches be lying"...he had that opportunity, and if it were true, it would have made every bit of sense in the world to say it. I would have spent at least a few minuites directly responding to some of the more bizarre elements of my fictional bedroom repertoire.
Work with me, Shell.
Maybe he didn't want to come off as a dick? You're making inferences into what he said. He said it was by all indications completely consensual, which does negate a lot of what she said. Maybe he has a longer statement? Maybe his publicist said, "Dude, just play it cool." and he did. We don't know any of this, but I definitely think he is disagreeing with her assessment.
Seen as it's innocent until proven guilty... unless she actually has evidence for her accusations against him then "It was completely consensual" should be all he needs.
And yet his career can be damaged based on accusations that may just be complete lies or delusions.
(January 17, 2018 at 11:23 pm)LadyForCamus Wrote:(January 17, 2018 at 11:19 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Didn't you take a powder last year in part because that same first question was asked of you? Forgive me if I'm not remembering that correctly, but it seemed terribly upsetting to you at that time.
I believe Joods is questioning why she went to a reporter instead of the police; not why she didn’t go to the police at all.
I think she just wanted a story.
(January 17, 2018 at 11:23 pm)LadyForCamus Wrote:(January 17, 2018 at 11:19 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: Didn't you take a powder last year in part because that same first question was asked of you? Forgive me if I'm not remembering that correctly, but it seemed terribly upsetting to you at that time.
I believe Joods is questioning why she went to a reporter instead of the police; not why she didn’t go to the police at all.
I think she just wanted a story.
(January 18, 2018 at 1:56 am)Khemikal Wrote: @Ham
I don't think that silence is taken to be consent..but she wasn't silent, so? I don't really see the slippery slope there as being all that credible either. No one is insisting that he should have waited for her to consent constantly, only that he doesn't seem to have stopped the first time, or the second time, or he third time....that she expressed her desire not to continue. He drove over those objections, like a common teenager, trying to fingerbang sally rottencrotch under the prom bleachers.
None of this is clear at all. It would be clear to most people, and from what I can see it seems clear that she wanted him to stop sex altogether and not specific acts. But that can sometimes be easily misinterpreted. If she said "Don't touch me" that couldn't be misinterpreted.
To just say you're uncomfortable doesn't make it clear whether your're uncomfortable with the current sex act or uncomfortable with the sex altogether. Even "Stop" might mean stop the specific sex act. If sex has already been engaged.
The slippery slope is real. Once people have already started having sex words like "Stop" and phrases like "Stop touching me" and "I don't like it when you put your fingers in my mouth" become especially important.
And when a guy is missing your hints and clues, that's not the time to play the "I hope he gets the next hint because he's totally oblivious so far" game, it's time to play "Stop touching me."
She could have been way, way clearer... at a time when being clear is important.
You don't think silence is taken as consent when sex has already started? But then you really would have to constantly say "Don't stop" and that's ridiculous.
Once sex has started silence is consent until you say "Stop". And it is important to be clear. The guy should stop touching you altogether when you say stop but then it's important to specify exactly what you want to stop if he's not getting the message. He should be being more careful but if he isn't it's certainly possible for him to think you meant stop the current sex act and try something else... rather than stop the sex altogether. Maybe he thought you were both enjoying sex together but you weren't currently into what he was trying with you. It's time to be clear.
Again, "Stop touching me" or "Don't put your fingers in my mouth" is better than withholding your own thoughts about how the guy isn't getting your clues. It's not a time for "clues" it's time for specific "Stop doing X". Which can include "Stop touching me altogether."
Sigh. None of this is difficult. Things can easily be misunderstood and during sex it's extremely important to be clear. It would really suck if a guy who is really shit at taking hints gets compared to a rapist/sexual assaulter.
