Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist

[Thumpalumpacus]

Throughout the course of her short time in the apartment, she says she used verbal and non-verbal cues to indicate how uncomfortable and distressed she was. “Most of my discomfort was expressed in me pulling away and mumbling. I know that my hand stopped moving at some points,” she said. “I stopped moving my lips and turned cold.”

During something so important cues/clues/hints are ridiculously inappropriate when someone needs to be told something especially clearly more than any other time. This is not time to play "Guess how you're making me feel and guess how completely unaware of it you are." This is time to play "Get your fingers out of my mouth. Get away from me. Don't kiss me. Don't even touch me."

No doubt clarity is preferred ... but let's face it, when picking up women and trying to get in the zone, it pays to be sensitive to all sorts of cues -- not simply the verbal cues. To be honest, yes, I've had to guess sometimes when working an angle as to what she's feeling. Now, I'm might be a little off, but it seemed to me that my best bet in those situations was to work conservatively. I mean, I've been shot down enough times that one more "no" is not going to buttrash me.

It works better for me if I assume that her saying "no thanks, I'm uncomfortable", or saying "I don't want to hate you because I feel forced" are actually her true feelings -- firstly, because it keeps me out of this creepy/gropey/rapey territory (and that's always good with street cred, ya dig?), and secondly, because it keeps me from having to deal with potential legal consequences.

In other words, I don't assume that another human being is going to be perfectly honest and forthright with me, because in my experience, that is not always the case. They may dissimulate out of discomfort, or hidden thoughts, or day-after peer-pressure, or any number of reasons.

Expecting perfect honesty in a complex situation is to me silly. People mask reasons, motives, and justifications all the time (even to themselves!) and only a fool would act on the contrary assumption.

I'm a feminist but fuck those guys who white knight anyone but their crush or significant other

Firstly, the whole "white-knighting"-as-belittling thing is stupid. People are espousing opinions, and denigrating them on assumed motivations when you may or may not know why they're doing so is presumptuous at best and dishonest at worst. Secondly, any man worth his salt has a woman who doesn't need that. I know that's true in my own case.