Aziz Ansari Doesn't Pick Up On "Non-Verbal Cues" and Gets Treated Like A Rapist

[polymath257]

 For 30 minutes she endured kissing she did not like, and never spoke a word in protest.   

She did though, and more than once.

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My daughters wouldn't have been in that situation to begin with.

Are you sure about that?

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Hopefully my daughter would speak up when she doesn't like something.

Hopefully. Will you have that frank discussion with her about it?

By both her mother and me.

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This doesn't feel right or good..and I don't want it - but...

-I think I'm supposed to.
-that this is me getting lucky.
-that I have to reciprocate now that she's performed a sex act on me.
-that I have to be consistent now that I've consensualy performed one sex act on her.
-that if I'm not consistent and reciprocal people will think I'm a fickle and selfish whore, or maybe just plain old gay.
-that I flat out don't know what to do, panic, and freeze.
-or maybe disgusted resignation to a perceived fate or state of affairs.  Chin up, it'll be over in a minute.

So...those are some of the ways that the illusion of control can evaporate.  Notions of expectation, consistency, reciprocity, negative consequence, and panic. Our biology and behavioral responses are incredibly subversive..in that position.

So, would it be fair to say, that in addition to educating women and young people with regard to the complexity of these various feelings and their implications during sexual encounters, it’s also important to be educating men (or any person in a position of power over others, to stay consistent with your comparison) about them as well?  Not every man in the world is going to be thoughtfully considering all of the above while he is smack dab in the middle of a blow job. Does that mean he’s a perv? 

In other words, do you think it would be fair to say that a little education in the other direction would go a long way in helping some men be more empathetic sexual partners...before we label them creeps and predators?  Or, do you think the person who is initiating the encounter should always intuitively understand all of these non-verbal feelings potentially at play?


Say, look what happens when we engage in open dialogue on a subject instead of letting the conversation get shut down by blanket accusations of victim blaming?  😏

Yes, of course. Both boys and girls need to learn both how to listen and how to speak up. Communication requires both.