(April 2, 2018 at 12:41 pm)polymath257 Wrote:(April 2, 2018 at 12:31 pm)*Deidre* Wrote: Last year, I got married, and I'd say that long term monogamy from a biological standpoint, might not seem natural, because there are always temptations. I think especially in our culture where so much is coming at us on social media, etc it can be hard to avoid those things that may tempt us. But, monogamy is a choice, and if you do take vows with someone to stay faithful to them, then it's only right to stay true to those vows. If someone cannot be faithful, he/she should at least share that with their spouse/partner, and end the relationship to explore others. Cheating is never an option, because you're robbing the other person of being in a relationship where they are under the assumption that they're with a faithful partner.
Yes, monogamy is a choice. So is non-monogamy.
I agree, if you take vows to be monogamous, you should abide by those vows or renegotiate them.
But don't mistake monogamy with being faithful. Or mistake non-monogamy with cheating. Those are only valid if the assumption is one of monogamy.
On the other hand, it is still possible to be faithful in a non-monogamous situation: being truthful and supportive. Cheating still means to go beyond the bounds of the agreements made. it's just that those agreements may include other partners.
As long as both partners are on the same page, there's no problem with any agreement made. If someone feels the need to start lying, and sneaking around to get their needs met, and the other partner is totally in the dark about it, that's wrong to me. I have heard a lot of excuses from cheaters and in the end, some of the excuses might seem valid and we're only human, but get out of a bad relationship. Lying and being deceptive isn't healthy, and it's unfair to the other person.
So, I'd say it comes down to what works best for the couple, as long as both are consenting. If I feel that my husband isn't satisfying my needs but I don't communicate that to him, and I sleep with other men to get those needs met, that's on me. I think that the other person at least should be given the right to fix what's wrong on their end.
