(April 2, 2018 at 12:46 pm)*Deidre* Wrote:(April 2, 2018 at 12:41 pm)polymath257 Wrote: Yes, monogamy is a choice. So is non-monogamy.
I agree, if you take vows to be monogamous, you should abide by those vows or renegotiate them.
But don't mistake monogamy with being faithful. Or mistake non-monogamy with cheating. Those are only valid if the assumption is one of monogamy.
On the other hand, it is still possible to be faithful in a non-monogamous situation: being truthful and supportive. Cheating still means to go beyond the bounds of the agreements made. it's just that those agreements may include other partners.
As long as both partners are on the same page, there's no problem with any agreement made. If someone feels the need to start lying, and sneaking around to get their needs met, and the other partner is totally in the dark about it, that's wrong to me. I have heard a lot of excuses from cheaters and in the end, some of the excuses might seem valid and we're only human, but get out of a bad relationship. Lying and being deceptive isn't healthy, and it's unfair to the other person.
So, I'd say it comes down to what works best for the couple, as long as both are consenting. If I feel that my husband isn't satisfying my needs but I don't communicate that to him, and I sleep with other men to get those needs met, that's on me. I think that the other person at least should be given the right to fix what's wrong on their end.
I agree. Abiding by agreements, being honest and open, and communicating are central to any good relationship, whether monogamous or not.
