What is your current forum goal?

[Edwardo Piet]

Honesty indeed. That's why I said less bad.

It is an overboard descriptor but I didn't specify how much less bad he is. So it's technically correct.

But yeah, I just wanted to emphasize what an asshole he is and I couldn't think of another shitty and manipulative propagandist to compare him to.

Family is blood my arse.  Haven't seen or spoken to my dad in years, and I'm perfectly fine with him passing without any kind of reunion.

I have good memories of him until he was 12 years old and even at his very worst I think his intentions were good. His own father drowned himself when he was very young... his dad was depressed and this was at a time when depressed people got thrown in asylums and treated like crap. My dad didn't want to be like him and this led to my dad becoming the opposite extreme and he refused to ever accept any help from anyone. My dad used to suffer psychosis and if only he had accepted the help he needed maybe he wouldn't have done some of the awful things he did.

I'm not excusing any of his behavior, just trying to make sense of it and make sense of how he used to be nice and how he changed. It was like he had a personality transplant. And last I heard he's still switching back and forth between nice guy and total asshole. And still not getting the help he needs.

When I compare him to awfulness I'm talking about the Hyde to his Jekyll. I'm talking purely about his behavior. As it's behavior that I think truly determines what is moral or immoral anyways.

I agree "Family is blood my arse". I agree 100%

Close bonds with people are about who you grow up wtih, not about D.N.A. I am extremely close to my brother Owen but if I was told tomorrow that he was adopted it literally wouldn't change a thing between us.

As for meeting my dad... he's too potentially dangerous to meet as I never know what side of him I'm going to get. But I have said that if he's one day on his death bed I would like to meet him. And I guess I wouldn't be against online contact as long as he never finds out where I live and never meets up with me.

He's also getting older and weaker, of course, he was born 1955.

I still love him. Just don't love the way he behaved. But then, I feel compassion for even the worst people. Of course my love for my dad is different. Not because he shares D.N.A. with him though. But because he was a good dad to me for many years, and I have many good memories with him, so I know he is capable of goodness, and can have a good heart, before he turned into a prick. I'm not a vengeful person. I didn't even ever forgive him because I never really resented him I've always just been disappointed and wish the things he did never happened. But then, my therapist does suspect I'm blocking a lot of bad memories out. I tend to not remember the bad stuff very vividly but I know they happened.