Depressed? write your stuff here

[Jackie]

I don't know you.
I also don't know who you are. But I am very depressed.

And I want you to deal with this topic as a place to dispose of your depression diaries. I didn't put this in the "life and personal matters" section because it doesn't concern me alone.

Write. Let it out, writing is good.

I have multiple sclerosis. I can't live a normal life or the life I have spent the past 23 years preparing for.
It's over for me. I live in one of the hottest places in the world, so I literally don't move outside except for some days in the month.

I had big dreams in my youth, dreams about traveling the world and conquering the field I studied. But the diagnosis came and destroyed those dreams.
Don't tell me M.S is manageable, the sickness is different from one person to the other. In my case, I can't walk normal, I'm always fatigued, slightest concentration makes my eyes deviate, I'm shattered. Shattered.

I don't need the sympathy of nobody, it's my burden to carry. This dignity is everything I have: you never beg people for sympathy . Never.

I'm depressed because MS destroys the coatings surrounding nerves responsible for the mood, so the signals don't get transferred probably.

I see people avoiding me when I'm walking, with their low voices telling me "Allah may cure you". It's better if they shut up, at least I might feel normal. They can pray for me from the inside, they can pray for me in front of their friends. But saying that with a low voice everytime I walk makes me feel like some kind of a freak.

Now you write if you are depressed.
I will not tell you you'll be better because I don't know, but I will tell you that you have my sympathy.

Atlass, as you know, like most here, I do give every religion a hard time.

But, when it comes to mental illness, I take that seriously because I suffer from anxiety and depression too. It runs in my family genes.

I will say with humans in general, there is a horrible expectation that males especially, are expected to never fail and never cry. As far as travel, I had the help of my mother growing up, and her saving during her life, and I can honestly say I did not do that all by myself. I never would have done those things if it were not for her. Most humans don't travel that far even though travel is far easier that it was 200 years ago. 

And as far as moving up economically, while many do, some, even with degrees don't. My X wife has a PHD in microbiology, but even she was telling me stories about other graduates with degrees working at Starbucks. I wouldn't be so quick to beat yourself up. Economies are more about government and global diplomacy and even without that, the math simply is not there for everyone to end up on top 100% of the time. Most humans if lucky can have a job to pay their bills.

What is important to me isn't your paycheck or title or where you have traveled, what is important to me is simply being a decent human no matter where you end up economically.

My anxiety and depression was really bad when my mom had health issues, not just while she was in the hospital, but even at home I would constantly worry about her mobility problems and having her fall and injure herself. It is terrifying to second guess yourself not knowing when to step back and step in. And while ultimately it was her decision you cant help but feel responsible even when it is not your fault.

I think far too much of the world has unrealistic expectations that humans be super heros. Instead what would be better is that we foster more stability and the idea that it is ok to have support and ask for support.

Me, "You will never be happy with what you can get, until you are happy with what you already have."