Who killed Jesus?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I never woulda touched him, but he pulled a gun on me.

Boru

Ah.  The conservative "stand your ground" defence.

Remember that would only work for shooting Middle Eastern Jewish Jesus, not All American white Jesus.

😊

It's actually from a (very) old joke:

Sean and Mick are at the wake of the latter's father, and Sean is bored out of his skull.  He leans over to Mick and whispers, 'I could do with a pint.  Let's slip out to the pub for a bit.'

Aghast, Mick says, 'Are yez daft?  I can't leave me own da's wake.'

'Oh, aye, aye.  Course yer can't,' says Sean.  After a bit, he leans in again and says, 'We'll take him with us, then?'

'WHAT?', says Mick.  'Yer stone mad, ye are! Take me poor, departed da to a pub??'

'Listen,' whispers Sean. 'We'll take a table in the back, where it's well dark.  We'll prop him against the wall, wrap his hand round a glass.  Who's to know?'

Mick stares at his friend in horror, then the (Irish) logic of the situation comes clear, and he agrees.

With no little amount of trouble, they manage to get the corpse out of the house and across the road to the local.  In a wink, everything's fixed - Sean and Mick are having their pints, and the old fella's propped up, glass in hand.

As generally happens in jokes like this, one pint turns to several, and Sean and Mick head for the facilities.  The barman takes the opportunity to clear the empties from the table and tries to make small talk with the dead man.

'Evening, sir.'  Nothing.

'I said, "Good evening, sir."  Silence.

'Are ye all right there, sir?', says the barman and gives the corpse's shoulder a gentle shake.  Just as the body thuds to the floor, Mick steps out of the jacks and yells, 'Whatever have ye done to me father??'

The barman steps back and says, 'I never woulda touched him, but he pulled a gun on me.'

Boru