Interestingly, experiencing something yourself and then assuming everyone else should have the same experience as you is exactly an example of the opposite of empathy. That's an extremely selfish way of thinking. Being able to understand that other people experience things differently than you do is what empathy means.
Often people who lack empathy do so because they themselves have been treated poorly, or had emphasis placed on outward things (being pretty, having the best car, the smartest kids, the highest paying job, etc.)
Most people have some amount of empathy. Being around others who discourage empathic thinking can reduce our own. Being treated so poorly we can only think of ourselves as a protective measure is another way people lose some of their empathy.
Empathy is important because it is what makes society run. It isn't religion, or marriage, or anything else. The very basis for all of our social contracts is empathy. The Golden Rule is basically a tine lesson on empathy. If we are unable to put ourselves in other people's shoes, we end up treating them as less than human.
This is really important right now, as many survivors of sexual assault are treated as such. Women in general are often enough still seen as less, or at the very least, different. Too emotional, some men find themselves unable to put themselves in womens shoes. Naturally this then goes both ways, if we push a narrative that men are less emotionally accessible, women will find them more alien and less relatable.
This happens with all sorts of groups, how we make them the other and then find a way not to empathize with them. It's really the greatest issue with Trump, imho. All of his other flaws pale in comparison with his inability to empathize with anyone else, ever. Everything is always about him. Not the US, not his constituents, not our allies. If someone supports him, then he will reward them. If someone does not, he ignores them. If someone opposes them, he punishes. We see people he liked go on his shit list when they dare challenge him, or like Lindsey Graham, go from attacking him to kissing his ass to save himself. And it works because all that matters to Trump is Trump.
And so some of us are very tired of people lacking sympathy. Do I have sympathy for those wrongly accused? 100%, I do. I am appalled at the state of our prisons, where many people are put for crimes they did not commit, or for crimes that should not carry such a harsh sentence. My own aunt said she was raped to cover for her unwanted pregnancy at age 17. Fortunately she never accused a specific man, and by the time the baby came she had admitted the truth, but I know what desperate situations can drive people to do. Now that we are on the verge of forcing a lot more women back into those situations, I expect false accusations may rise. That's extremely bad, and yet another reason to continue to allow women bodily autonomy.
I've also known a man, personally, who was accused of sexual misconduct by an older women. He denied it, there wasn't any evidence (masturbating in front of her in her home where they both lived), and so her claims were ignored, dismissed as perhaps an old women mistaking a man adjusting his robe, or accidently catching a glimpse.
After the women died some 20+ years later, the man finally admitted to her family that he had done what she had accused him of. He was suffering quite a lot of guilt. At any rate, the women's daughter blames herself to this day for not believing her own mother. And she can never tell her now that she does.
The fact is, false accusations are rare. Most accusations are true, and yet we (society) treat most accusers as if they are liars, particularly if they don't conform to how we personally think a victim should behave. That old lady never mentioned it again. How many more times did he sexually abuse her because no one was listening?
1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. That's not sexual assault or misconduct, that's just rape.
There isn't a directly comparable statistic, but estimates are between 2 and 10% of accusations are false. Note that not all of these are intentionally false. With intentionality factored in, estimates are no more than 3%. That means 90%+ of accusations are true within definitions of the law. Why are we worried more about the 3% of malicious accusations than the 97% of malicious attacks? Why are we, as a society, more worried about protecting our sons than our daughters, when our daughters are in fact in far, far more danger? We treat all accused as innocent, and all accusers as guilty.
Sexual assault and false accusation rates have declined over time, with awareness of issues raised, women having better access to health care, etc. When these go backwards, expect the rates to rise again.
Often people who lack empathy do so because they themselves have been treated poorly, or had emphasis placed on outward things (being pretty, having the best car, the smartest kids, the highest paying job, etc.)
Most people have some amount of empathy. Being around others who discourage empathic thinking can reduce our own. Being treated so poorly we can only think of ourselves as a protective measure is another way people lose some of their empathy.
Empathy is important because it is what makes society run. It isn't religion, or marriage, or anything else. The very basis for all of our social contracts is empathy. The Golden Rule is basically a tine lesson on empathy. If we are unable to put ourselves in other people's shoes, we end up treating them as less than human.
This is really important right now, as many survivors of sexual assault are treated as such. Women in general are often enough still seen as less, or at the very least, different. Too emotional, some men find themselves unable to put themselves in womens shoes. Naturally this then goes both ways, if we push a narrative that men are less emotionally accessible, women will find them more alien and less relatable.
This happens with all sorts of groups, how we make them the other and then find a way not to empathize with them. It's really the greatest issue with Trump, imho. All of his other flaws pale in comparison with his inability to empathize with anyone else, ever. Everything is always about him. Not the US, not his constituents, not our allies. If someone supports him, then he will reward them. If someone does not, he ignores them. If someone opposes them, he punishes. We see people he liked go on his shit list when they dare challenge him, or like Lindsey Graham, go from attacking him to kissing his ass to save himself. And it works because all that matters to Trump is Trump.
And so some of us are very tired of people lacking sympathy. Do I have sympathy for those wrongly accused? 100%, I do. I am appalled at the state of our prisons, where many people are put for crimes they did not commit, or for crimes that should not carry such a harsh sentence. My own aunt said she was raped to cover for her unwanted pregnancy at age 17. Fortunately she never accused a specific man, and by the time the baby came she had admitted the truth, but I know what desperate situations can drive people to do. Now that we are on the verge of forcing a lot more women back into those situations, I expect false accusations may rise. That's extremely bad, and yet another reason to continue to allow women bodily autonomy.
I've also known a man, personally, who was accused of sexual misconduct by an older women. He denied it, there wasn't any evidence (masturbating in front of her in her home where they both lived), and so her claims were ignored, dismissed as perhaps an old women mistaking a man adjusting his robe, or accidently catching a glimpse.
After the women died some 20+ years later, the man finally admitted to her family that he had done what she had accused him of. He was suffering quite a lot of guilt. At any rate, the women's daughter blames herself to this day for not believing her own mother. And she can never tell her now that she does.
The fact is, false accusations are rare. Most accusations are true, and yet we (society) treat most accusers as if they are liars, particularly if they don't conform to how we personally think a victim should behave. That old lady never mentioned it again. How many more times did he sexually abuse her because no one was listening?
1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. That's not sexual assault or misconduct, that's just rape.
There isn't a directly comparable statistic, but estimates are between 2 and 10% of accusations are false. Note that not all of these are intentionally false. With intentionality factored in, estimates are no more than 3%. That means 90%+ of accusations are true within definitions of the law. Why are we worried more about the 3% of malicious accusations than the 97% of malicious attacks? Why are we, as a society, more worried about protecting our sons than our daughters, when our daughters are in fact in far, far more danger? We treat all accused as innocent, and all accusers as guilty.
Sexual assault and false accusation rates have declined over time, with awareness of issues raised, women having better access to health care, etc. When these go backwards, expect the rates to rise again.
Quote:Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.Attributed to Margaret Atwood, perhaps wrongly.
“Eternity is a terrible thought. I mean, where's it going to end?”
― Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
― Tom Stoppard, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead
