American's evangelising in Ireland.

[BloodyHeretic]

I had the pleasure of chatting to a few zealots from the states today. They were on the street handing out leaflets about ETERNITY. They accosted myself and a female friend of mine and asked us "If you guys die tonight, do you know where you're going?". Very direct I thought. Now as it happens this friend of mine makes Hitchens look like a mouse. We gave each other a look, you know, a Look, and the conversation continued as follows:

BH: I think I'll probably be going to the hospital for a post-mortem, unless I died in hospital, in which case I won't be going anywhere. I'm not sick though, so there's little chance of that, unless I develop an acute illness in the next few hours. Of course I could have an accident. You'd really have to be more specific.

Evangelist: I'm not talking about your body, I'm talking about your soul!

BH: Are you saying my body isn't me?

Evangelist: No but your body doesn't go to heaven when you die, I'm asking where your soul would end up if you died tonight. In heaven or hell?

BH's Friend: Probably KFC.

BH: Yeah, that or the pub.

Evangelist: Come on guys, be serious for a second.

BH's Friend: We are being serious. Why is heaven and hell the only option? I don't fancy either of them. I fucking hate mass and saunas were never my thing.

Evangelist: It'll be a lot hotter than a sauna young lady! Seriously...(A lot of waffle where he explained to us poor Irish heathens about the basics of the christian doctrine of heaven and hell and eternity).... So guys, what's it gonna be? Heaven or hell?

BH: Well that's all very interesting, but I have one pretty important question before I sign away my soul.

Evangelist: Go ahead.

BH: How do you know all this?

Evangelist: It's in the bible.

BH: Yes, but how do you know the bible is true?

Evangelist: Because it's the word of the lord.

BH: How do you know that?

Evangelist: It says it in the bible.

BH: .......

Evangelist: *looking embarrassed* Well obviously there's belief and personal experience and...

BH's Friend: Yeah, I'm gonna stick with KFC thanks very much.

Evangelist: But it's ETERNITY we're talking about here and..

BH: You're a fucking idiot.

Evangelist: Hey relax, I'm just trying to help you here, you could end up in hell forever if you don't repent!

BH: How do you know? You don't know the first thing about me.

Evangelist: Well you're obviously not a christian.

BH: So? What makes you think your heaven is the real one? Or your god for that matter? What about Zeus or Odin? Maybe I can't go to McDonald's for eternity but why not Valhalla?

Evangelist: Those myths obviously aren't real, look how many christians there are in the world today, there's got to be something to it don't you think?

BH's Friend: No I fucking don't! Give me one shred of evidence that your superstition is above any of the others, and popularity is not evidence.

After a bit more bluffing and general unpleasantness on our part he left, looking deflated.

Now is it just me, or is it people like that, forcing their beliefs in your face and obviously not having a fucking clue, the most annoying thing about religion? And they flew, to IRELAND to do this? Fucking bastards!