Do you wish there's a god?

[Alan V]

As an adult, the knowledge that I don't know what's true, that I'm still thinking about it, that -- in the strict sense of having no belief -- I don't believe. 

That's interesting, all this time I thought your were some sort of theist. Not so much because you defended theistic views, but because of your knowledge of them.

You're perhaps the first atheist I've ever met, whose understanding of theism isn't limited to Fundie Evangelism, or whatever low hanging fruits are available.

I used to be of the opinion that a person could only sustain their atheism, by having a limited understanding of theism, much like a creationist can only sustain their views, by having a limited understanding of Evolution, but you seem to be an exception to the rule.

Much respect.

For the record, I studied Sufi mysticism for almost 25 years of my adult life because I was trying to make sense of the God concept. I only became an atheist at the age of 50.

Different atheists have different stories.