Santa, The Tooth Fairy and the Fantabulous Fabularium of Innocent Myths

[Cinjin]

Are you kidding me? I didn't even know that Santa existed until I was in high school! My parents were douchebags.

kidding.


I have a strict rule with my son. I refuse to lie to him on any level (unless for some reason it depended on his life), so I simply don't mention Santa Clause. If and when he asks me if he is real - I will tell him the truth. Santa is a creepy fat bastard who has been wearing the same damn suit for hundreds of years. He refuses to die or even upgrade his fashion sense. He lives in the most inhospitable climate on the planet so as to protect himself from taxation and very likely incarceration for the wanton breaking and entering of billions of homes. He works exclusively with tiny child-like people and is probably in violation of every union labor law there is. He himself only works one damn night a year and spies on children the other 364 days. It's not unreasonable to assume that he should be on the sex offenders watch list for this alone if he's not already. He's basically a robber-baron with a monopoly on the advertising world during the months of November and December. He has no qualms being unkind to children and even brags about leaving them filthy lumps of coal instead of a present. They say the devil wears a red suit ... well he may very well have a white beard and a sack of presents too.


... or maybe I'll just tell my son he's not real and leave it at that.