How to handle preaching assholes

[Cinjin]

My first time witnessing as a Christian:

I'd very much like to tell you about a man in my life named Jesus. Clearly you don't know who he is, but he loves you very very much. He came to this planet on the wings of a ghostly phantom named the holy spirit in order to save the world ... well actually also to damn the world, but that's really his fathers fault. Well, not exactly, see it's your fault. I mean what I'm trying to say is that Jesus IS his father, but not totally, because his father is more of the mean one ... kind of. See, Jesus is trying to save you from yourself, because your natural desire is to throw yourself into hell. I mean, god is willing to save you from the place he made for you. Alright, see, god loves you so much that he made hell as a place for all the people he doesn't love - I guess we just don't know who those people are yet. I mean, don't get me wrong, god loves everyone .... well, at least while they're alive I think. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that god loves you as long as you accept his son. It's non-negotiable if you don't want to burn in hell. Wait.... see, what I'm trying to show you is that an immortal being died on the cross for you so that you could worship him for all eternity. mmhmm .... Alright, backup. So Jesus died on the cross to forgive humans for sin. His father gave us all a sinful nature that we're supposed to fight off, and see, well jesus helps us do that. Right. So when jesus died on the cross see, that allowed his father, god, to forgive us for what he gave us. So now you're probably wondering how can I accept a guy who died so damn long ago. Well, jesus didn't stay dead. So even though he's back from the dead I guess his sacrifice still counts. Good for us right. Sweet, this is all coming together. So jesus is building heaven right now, thats why he's not here. Apparently hell came pre-fabbed and ready-made in an instant but heaven takes some time with all the gold and security gates and what have you. Anyway, when he comes back, we're all going to meet up naked in the sky, well that's what I'm told anyway. All you got to do is telepathically tell Jesus that you accept him as your boss and savior and that you are willing to worship him for the rest of your life and for all eternity. You don't want god to burn you do you?