The amount and affect behind this deep a deceit can only be described by an overwhelming amount of delusion. "Trust", "faith", "conviction", "truth", whatever you might call it - it has you @Drich. You're lost to this delusion. I pity you. And it's not only because I have empathy for your situation, but because I was inexorably in it too once when I was a believer, and my former mental illness only compounded it further, it took a great deal of emotional pain to let it go. I doubt if it's even reversible. The sad thing about being so ... captured ... for theists, is that their mind is as if it was assimilated by the fucking Borg, unable to think for themselves or have an independent identity.
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool." - Richard P. Feynman
