[Serious] Giving up the fight

[emjay]

January 31st, I came out as trans on FB. I'm finally getting thin enough that I feel confident in passing and I didn't want to hide it anymore. Surprisingly, a lot of support from unexpected places. The expected pushback came from certain family who insist on deadnaming me in comments and messages. I haven't talked to them one on one yet and I feel tired at the prospect. Call it ADHD fatigue/anxiety over the confrontation, or cal it acceptance that I'll never change their minds, so, why bother trying.

Recently, I've gotten into Rebecca Watson on Youtube and she's great, but I watched a few of her videos about studies on comparisons between atheists and theists, and this very interesting video she did regarding those who deny the reliability of the Covid vaccines. It's rooted in emotion. That's why when you refute their facts, they don't see reason. They just find new facts to support their core bias. Like a lot of argumentative theists do. 

The fact is, I will never convince them that when I was out in BYU-I and at my peak religiosity, I was trying my hardest and desperately wanted to be a good daughter of God. Obviously, to them, I didn't try hard enough, and the revelation of my trans status is a culmination of justifications about how I never truly had faith and never actually wanted to be obedient and worthy. It will never be "enough" because emotionally, they've sunk 50+ years into their faith and they see their results just fine. So it is always going to be me who didn't work the program right. Just like if you pray to know if the BoM is true and you get an answer that it's not, well, you just didn't do it right, man. There is only ever one answer and I am wrong.

Anyway... I am not sure how active I'll be much more because it not only has to do with my bigoted Mormon family members but in general, I'm not in the spirit of pointlessly arguing with theists who we already acknowledge, "don't have a good reason for believing".  

This is kinda my "shower thoughts not suitable for FB" garbage dump until I can find someplace better. But here, as promised, thin me. I'm not to my goal of 150 lbs. yet but I'm getting there.

Hang in there I understand how you feel... I've often felt similar. In my case some of my family have an ostrich-like approach not only to gay issues but also atheism, so their tendency is to pre-emptively shut down any conversation that could even potentially threaten their beliefs/world view. So when I came to this site, at first it was a welcome change; seeing theists actually willing to expose themselves to and address uncomfortable issues... and at the beginning, arguing/debating with them was quite therapeutic for me. But as time wore on, I kind of came to the conclusion, it wasn't that much different - ostrich or no, the door wasn't really open for many, so now I have a much more Buddhist/stoic approach to it all, of just let it be. I know that's probably easier said than done in some situations, especially if they're actively being a dick, and I'm so sorry that they are for you , and in any case it's probably not for everyone, but in my case, and in my experience, there is peace to be found in letting it be; of letting go of any expectations or hopes that the other will change.