[Serious] Giving up the fight

[emjay]

Hang in there I understand how you feel... I've often felt similar. In my case some of my family have an ostrich-like approach not only to gay issues but also atheism, so their tendency is to pre-emptively shut down any conversation that could even potentially threaten their beliefs/world view. So when I came to this site, at first it was a welcome change; seeing theists actually willing to expose themselves to and address uncomfortable issues... and at the beginning, arguing/debating with them was quite therapeutic for me. But as time wore on, I kind of came to the conclusion, it wasn't that much different - ostrich or no, the door wasn't really open for many, so now I have a much more Buddhist/stoic approach to it all, of just let it be. I know that's probably easier said than done in some situations, especially if they're actively being a dick, and I'm so sorry that they are for you , and in any case it's probably not for everyone, but in my case, and in my experience, there is peace to be found in letting it be; of letting go of any expectations or hopes that the other will change.

Yes, I get what you're saying here and your later clarification. That's in general what I mean by giving up the "fight". I don't want to argue, I don't want to work so hard to justify myself to people who are biological essentialists.

I will say, being trans is different than being gay. I suffer from dysphoria. Fear of being rejected has kept me closeted the last few years since I decided on this direction. I desire to be seen and thought of as a man. I desire to look in the mirror and see a man. So, when my family call me a woman's name and refuse to be corrected, it IS like they're not accepting whole parts of me. I understand it'll take some time and I'm willing to be patient. But I'm talking about those family who aren't interested in trying, who don't want to try. And I agree, it is a "let it be" I can't control them kind of feeling. But it also has me trying to think of how to navigate future family gatherings while I'm working on myself, trying to own this role, trying to be seen as more masculine, and they make me feel like a woman just pretending with a word.

I'm sorry if I overgeneralised there, and so sorry that you're going through all of this I can only imagine how rejected you feel, and how much to the core, because when I talked about homosexuality 'only' being a part of me, not the whole of me, I only really meant that - for me - as a comforting/comfortable abstraction, ie it's a much bigger part of me than my family would ever give it credit for (still not the whole, but bigger), and I'm sure an even bigger and more fundamental part for issues such as yours to do with identity and gender and the skin you feel comfortable in... those sorts of issues I've never really had... so I'm sorry if you felt I was downplaying the significance of that; it's just my own emotional tendency, for myself in many situations, to abstract, [over]analyse, and emotionally step back/detach, but I know that's not everyone. I wish I knew what else to say, or could give some practical advice, but I don't/can't... other than to wish you all the best and hope you can find some sort of peace, however long it takes