(October 24, 2023 at 11:33 pm)Ahriman Wrote:(October 24, 2023 at 11:03 pm)Belacqua Wrote: I believe in the maxim "an interested person is an interesting person."
So that means two things:
1) show passion for something beyond oneself, that one can talk about. Some field of music, local history, restoring old houses -- something that shows you're not completely self-centered and take an interest in life. Plus you can grow friendships that can turn into dating. (Probably this wouldn't include an obsession with hentai porn or some other creepy thing.)
2) Show genuine interest in the person sitting opposite you. Ask questions and listen to the answers.
The least datable person is probably the one who says "I'm bored and boring, I need a partner to save me."
Some people don't have anything else to work with. All of my relationships have been made out of the other person pitying me. I don't know how else to attract people.
Well, the gist of what I wanted to say is that it makes sense to focus on something other than your own (allegedly) pitiable nature. Like if you're active in the local birdwatchers' club (or whatever) then you're talking with people about birds all the time. The focus is not all on your personality. Eventually affinities with other people emerge.
Granted, I was dating before apps and gym culture and those things made it more difficult. In my day, you went places and hung out with people, and eventually you started hanging out with one of the people more than all the others.
Reading this thread is pretty horrifying to me. It sounds as if each and every date is conducted as a Trial to Judgment, with people giving each other the thumbs up or thumbs down after. No wonder people find it intimidating. I'm sure I would have failed at that.
