I thought about suicide 2 times before, when I was deeply addicted to heroin, the first time I had my dad's shotgun pointed at my chin and was crying, trying to reach the trigger, but then I tought: "what a fucking looser I am, always trying to take the easy way out, fuck, I will not this time". The second time was after my best friend (who I wanted to be my girlfriend, never got around to say it) died in my arms of injected bad heroin, I got arrested because I didn't want for th coroners to take her, I planned to OD out after her funeral, but I rationalized: "Fuck, I can't go out now, I wanna see what more life has to throw at me, do your worse, bitch!"
Now 10+ years, looking back at all that madness, after picking up most of the pieces, I find it amazing how long have I came. Do I feel sad? Occasionally, and its something that is perfectly normal to be sad sometimes. The trick is to not embrace it, thinking instead of ways to fix the cause, instead of lingering in darkness. Its been working for me, but Its a delicate balance.
Now 10+ years, looking back at all that madness, after picking up most of the pieces, I find it amazing how long have I came. Do I feel sad? Occasionally, and its something that is perfectly normal to be sad sometimes. The trick is to not embrace it, thinking instead of ways to fix the cause, instead of lingering in darkness. Its been working for me, but Its a delicate balance.
