The hidden struggles of Britain’s ‘ex-Muslims’: ‘My family don’t know that my flatmate is my girlfriend of 20 years’
Ex-Muslims who’ve spoken to me say they are living a secret double life, something that presents huge challenges when it comes to dating and relationships. For some, it has meant delaying big life decisions, such as getting married or starting a family, while others have chosen to keep their families in the dark about their other halves.
The game was up for Anisha when she returned home from work one day last year to find her older brother, emotional and angry, demanding answers. He had discovered a photo album in her room filled with pictures of her and her Punjabi Sikh ex-boyfriend on holiday in Spain, Greece and New York. The argument that followed got heated, Anisha says, and it quickly turned ugly when her family realised she was no longer a Muslim.
None of the ex-Muslims who spoke to me felt they were at risk of violence, but they were acutely aware of the abuse they could face if they spoke publicly, particularly within south Asian communities, where faith is deeply tied to cultural identity. Expressing doubt in religion and romantic relationships is often considered taboo in these communities, meaning that there are no safe places or people to confide in, says Nadiya Hussain, a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in supporting people from south Asian backgrounds. “For those who can speak about it, it may be met with a level of denial, rooted in shame,” she adds. “When we live under the narrative that our parents sacrificed a lot to give us the life we have, the guilt around not being who they want us to be in return for this can be all-consuming. It can prevent us from being honest about who we truly are.”
One way closeted ex-Muslims have sought to overcome the issue of disapproving parents is by dating other apostates who are willing to keep up the pretence of being a Muslim. A glance at the exmuslimr4r subreddit reveals dozens of personal ad-style posts reflecting this trend, both in the UK and around the world.
Coming out as non-Muslim is hard enough, but coming out as gay is near-impossible, as one 43-year-old British Bengali activist, who goes by Veiled Rose online, understands. She has concealed her relationship with another woman for more than 20 years, despite the two sharing a flat together in the Midlands. Her partner, an English woman “with pearly skin and a penchant for the simple things in life”, has met Rose’s family on several occasions, but she was only ever introduced as “somebody I share the rent and bills with to make it easier to live”, Rose says. “They can’t even accept that I am not married to a man, let alone understand that I am gay.”
https://www.the-independent.com/life-sty...65243.html
Ex-Muslims who’ve spoken to me say they are living a secret double life, something that presents huge challenges when it comes to dating and relationships. For some, it has meant delaying big life decisions, such as getting married or starting a family, while others have chosen to keep their families in the dark about their other halves.
The game was up for Anisha when she returned home from work one day last year to find her older brother, emotional and angry, demanding answers. He had discovered a photo album in her room filled with pictures of her and her Punjabi Sikh ex-boyfriend on holiday in Spain, Greece and New York. The argument that followed got heated, Anisha says, and it quickly turned ugly when her family realised she was no longer a Muslim.
None of the ex-Muslims who spoke to me felt they were at risk of violence, but they were acutely aware of the abuse they could face if they spoke publicly, particularly within south Asian communities, where faith is deeply tied to cultural identity. Expressing doubt in religion and romantic relationships is often considered taboo in these communities, meaning that there are no safe places or people to confide in, says Nadiya Hussain, a counsellor and psychotherapist who specialises in supporting people from south Asian backgrounds. “For those who can speak about it, it may be met with a level of denial, rooted in shame,” she adds. “When we live under the narrative that our parents sacrificed a lot to give us the life we have, the guilt around not being who they want us to be in return for this can be all-consuming. It can prevent us from being honest about who we truly are.”
One way closeted ex-Muslims have sought to overcome the issue of disapproving parents is by dating other apostates who are willing to keep up the pretence of being a Muslim. A glance at the exmuslimr4r subreddit reveals dozens of personal ad-style posts reflecting this trend, both in the UK and around the world.
Coming out as non-Muslim is hard enough, but coming out as gay is near-impossible, as one 43-year-old British Bengali activist, who goes by Veiled Rose online, understands. She has concealed her relationship with another woman for more than 20 years, despite the two sharing a flat together in the Midlands. Her partner, an English woman “with pearly skin and a penchant for the simple things in life”, has met Rose’s family on several occasions, but she was only ever introduced as “somebody I share the rent and bills with to make it easier to live”, Rose says. “They can’t even accept that I am not married to a man, let alone understand that I am gay.”
https://www.the-independent.com/life-sty...65243.html
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
