RE: Help me I'm watching myself die in time/my life is going by as I blink my eyes.
May 12, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Defining death as a lack of perception seems to make my brain grasp it better; my thoughts are more calm with this idea. Still sad about the fact that my existence has to come to an end and my memory has to be deleted, but I would like to be able to cope with this and find a way for it to be a positive force in my life. Lots of atheists who are assured in their beliefs of death seems to have enjoyed their lives better, or at least there are lots of quotes that make it seem so; mark twain, carl sagan and others.
Currently I think this fear acts out and plays up when ever I have extreme stress, anxiety or just a mile stone in my life. Most people cry at graduations. I'm just the kid too depressed to go march at the graduation because I'm having the realizations that 1/4 of my life is over and that it went too damn quickly even though I enjoy every day. I would like this fear under control so I can continue to enjoy every day until the last one.
I'm also probably creating a bad mental setting and making this seem a lot worse than it is. Ultimately no matter how or when I die, I won't even know it ~_~ that is a bit of a puzzling thought.
I did look into visiting a shrink. I biked to a place Friday but I think he moved; building looked closed down. Phoned another shrink Saturday and left a message. I'm going to phone back Monday.
Currently I think this fear acts out and plays up when ever I have extreme stress, anxiety or just a mile stone in my life. Most people cry at graduations. I'm just the kid too depressed to go march at the graduation because I'm having the realizations that 1/4 of my life is over and that it went too damn quickly even though I enjoy every day. I would like this fear under control so I can continue to enjoy every day until the last one.
I'm also probably creating a bad mental setting and making this seem a lot worse than it is. Ultimately no matter how or when I die, I won't even know it ~_~ that is a bit of a puzzling thought.
I did look into visiting a shrink. I biked to a place Friday but I think he moved; building looked closed down. Phoned another shrink Saturday and left a message. I'm going to phone back Monday.
