i saw this thread posted in an intro thread so i figure i'll chime in on this even though it hasn't been active for a while.
when i was 18(i'm now 25) i finally convinced my parents to let me get tested for ADHD, and i went to a psychiatrist since they can do the testing. long story short, he told me i was depressed and have a general anxiety disorder and never did the test for ADHD, which i have learned through researching that i do for sure have it.
i went on antidepressants and finally settled on one and ended up at 3x the normal dose for it to really do some good, but when i turned 19 i got dropped from my parents' insurance and couldn't afford the medications so i stopped taking them, and since i had paid attention to how i felt while on them i was able to do alright without it.
about 2 years later i went through a pretty bad depression and had a few breakdowns, and in the middle of it all i realized that part of my problem was that i was atheist despite having been raised in a very christian family. figuring this out about myself actually helped since i was able to admit it to myself, and it gave me a good amount of self confidence since i was able to proclaim it and rise above the shitty beliefs.
a few months ago my wife and i started going to a therapist to help her work through a bunch of repressed memories that she had. she got a new job, but i continued to go to the appointments since they help my anxiety. our therapist is actually a christian therapist and a minister, so i made sure she knew i am atheist and things along those lines have worked out. she's very understanding and supportive, probably the coolest christian i've ever met.
after meeting with her a while i started realizing that i do very particular things when i'm feeling anxious. i talked to her about it and she diagnosed me with OCD. right now i'm deciding what course of action to take about it, since it's not completely debilitating, just a constant annoyance. i hate having to count my steps and line my steps up with doorways. i love having a beard, but i have to keep it clean shaven because i will sit there and twist it and it's made my beard significantly thinner and more splotchy. i also tend to want to have someone watch my son any time i go anywhere, because i struggle to manage my anxiety/OCD without smoking cigarettes, which is very much a part of my OCD and i refuse to smoke around my 18 month old son. i would really like to quit, but it scares the shit out of me just to think about it and i very much enjoy it.
i don't really want to try CBT, probably because i know it will invoke a lot of anxiety so i think i'm gonna go back on some medication, but thinking about that gives me a lot of anxiety because i've had several adverse side effects to different antidepressants. i see her again in two weeks, so i will probably have her get me a good psychiatrist to work with for medication and continue working with her as well.
i do have suicidal thoughts, and while they do suck, i've only contemplated or started planning suicide while having a bad reaction to the antidepressants. the thoughts i have are typically when i'm driving in the rain because of a bad accident i had back in 2005 in the rain, so i typically have a lot of anxiety while driving in those conditions and think about how it'd be easy to just lose control and not have to worry about it anymore. i wouldn't ever do it though, suicide is just not an option. it would hurt too many people that i love and i know i'm too strong to take the easy way out. i just have to use my REASON to overcome things and know that the anxiety will subside.
to quote suicide silence(favorite band)--you only live once so just go fucking nuts!
that's all for now. i will keep an eye on this thread in case anyone needs a good listener that understands that life can suck, i'm always willing to talk to people about it and i'm very open, empathetic, and understanding.
when i was 18(i'm now 25) i finally convinced my parents to let me get tested for ADHD, and i went to a psychiatrist since they can do the testing. long story short, he told me i was depressed and have a general anxiety disorder and never did the test for ADHD, which i have learned through researching that i do for sure have it.
i went on antidepressants and finally settled on one and ended up at 3x the normal dose for it to really do some good, but when i turned 19 i got dropped from my parents' insurance and couldn't afford the medications so i stopped taking them, and since i had paid attention to how i felt while on them i was able to do alright without it.
about 2 years later i went through a pretty bad depression and had a few breakdowns, and in the middle of it all i realized that part of my problem was that i was atheist despite having been raised in a very christian family. figuring this out about myself actually helped since i was able to admit it to myself, and it gave me a good amount of self confidence since i was able to proclaim it and rise above the shitty beliefs.
a few months ago my wife and i started going to a therapist to help her work through a bunch of repressed memories that she had. she got a new job, but i continued to go to the appointments since they help my anxiety. our therapist is actually a christian therapist and a minister, so i made sure she knew i am atheist and things along those lines have worked out. she's very understanding and supportive, probably the coolest christian i've ever met.
after meeting with her a while i started realizing that i do very particular things when i'm feeling anxious. i talked to her about it and she diagnosed me with OCD. right now i'm deciding what course of action to take about it, since it's not completely debilitating, just a constant annoyance. i hate having to count my steps and line my steps up with doorways. i love having a beard, but i have to keep it clean shaven because i will sit there and twist it and it's made my beard significantly thinner and more splotchy. i also tend to want to have someone watch my son any time i go anywhere, because i struggle to manage my anxiety/OCD without smoking cigarettes, which is very much a part of my OCD and i refuse to smoke around my 18 month old son. i would really like to quit, but it scares the shit out of me just to think about it and i very much enjoy it.
i don't really want to try CBT, probably because i know it will invoke a lot of anxiety so i think i'm gonna go back on some medication, but thinking about that gives me a lot of anxiety because i've had several adverse side effects to different antidepressants. i see her again in two weeks, so i will probably have her get me a good psychiatrist to work with for medication and continue working with her as well.
i do have suicidal thoughts, and while they do suck, i've only contemplated or started planning suicide while having a bad reaction to the antidepressants. the thoughts i have are typically when i'm driving in the rain because of a bad accident i had back in 2005 in the rain, so i typically have a lot of anxiety while driving in those conditions and think about how it'd be easy to just lose control and not have to worry about it anymore. i wouldn't ever do it though, suicide is just not an option. it would hurt too many people that i love and i know i'm too strong to take the easy way out. i just have to use my REASON to overcome things and know that the anxiety will subside.
to quote suicide silence(favorite band)--you only live once so just go fucking nuts!
that's all for now. i will keep an eye on this thread in case anyone needs a good listener that understands that life can suck, i'm always willing to talk to people about it and i'm very open, empathetic, and understanding.
