Modern examples of gullibility as evidence against Christian claims

[DeistPaladin]

Me: Now, Mr. Matthew, you provided this court with a lot of claims of "fulfilled prophecies".

Matt: That's right.

Me: One of these prophecies you cited in the first chapter of your testimony. Can we review the tape?

Matt 1:21-23 And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.
Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying,
Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us.

Matt: You're not going to nitpick over the whole Almah/Bethula thing are you? Haw, haw haw.

Me: No, I'll take your word for it that when you read "young maiden", you thought it meant "virgin" and just put that aside. No, what I wanted to ask you about is a thing called "context".

Matt: Hey, that's our line.

Me: Very funny. Anyway, you cited Is 7:14 as the prophecy that the virgin birth of Jesus was supposed to fulfill. Yet, funny thing, when I read the whole chapter, it's almost like Isaiah was talking about a young woman living at that time, and the events were in regard to the war with Syria.

Matt: Well, um, you see it was a double prophecy.

Me: A double prophecy?

Matt: Yeah, you know, he was talking about Ahaz and his war and also the future Messiah.

Me: So he mentioned future events in chapter 7 as well?

Matt: Um, not exactly.

Me: And by that you mean not a damn thing, you just lied your butt off and hoped nobody would notice.

Matt: Hey!

Me: Next you mention in chapter two that Jesus' flight to Egypt and recall was also a fulfillment of prophecy. Let's go to the tape, shall we?

Matt 2:14-15 When he arose, he took the young child and his mother by night, and departed into Egypt:
And was there until the death of Herod: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Out of Egypt have I called my son.

Me: Hosea, right?

Matt: Yeah, pretty slick, how it all fits together, huh?

Me: Slick indeed since Hosea 11:1 was actually talking about "son" as a metaphor for Israel and the Exodus of the Jews from Egypt. Roll the tape:

Hosea 11:1 When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt.

Matt: Well, would you believe...

Me: That you were lying your ass off again? Yes. Next Prophecy:

Matt 2:16-18 Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently enquired of the wise men.
Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremy the prophet, saying,
In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not.

Matt: Well, yes, Herod just slew all the male infants around Jerusalem.

Me: An event lifted out of the story of Moses.

Matt: Coincidence!

Me: Equating Jesus to one of the greatest of Jewish prophets was a coincidence?

Matt: Look, they had a similar childhood event. That doesn't mean I...

Me: An event that has no historical evidence that it ever happened?

Matt: Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence.

Me: Herod slaughters a whole town full of babies and not a peep from historical records?

Matt: Um, well, it coulda happened. It's still a prophecy.

Me: Problem, Jeremiah was talking about the Babylonian captivity.

Jer 31:15-16 Thus saith the LORD; A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping; Rachel weeping for her children refused to be comforted for her children, because they were not. Thus saith the LORD; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the LORD; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy.

Me: Oops.

Judge: Baliff, take the witness into custody.