Introductions

[Angrboda]

Welcome. I can relate to much of what you shared. Not the rejection for my religious beliefs, but the depression, intellectual isolation, the cutting. I have schizo-affective disorder, and so depression, delusions and basic mental illness has been a fixture in my life from a very young age. Though I'm both Taoist and Hindu, Taoism is my center, which, true is a form of mysticism, but it's also about how to make one's way in the world, and so is essentially devoid of many of the features of revealed religions. Anyway, now I'm rambling. I'm sorry you feel lonely. That's an emotion I basically don't have. But I suspect, as others have suggested, that, while that may never go away, you may grow into being able to deal with it in ways such that it no longer is such a stressor. (I'm not familiar with loneliness, but being diagnosed with a mental illness is at first very traumatic and stressful, but over time, you learn how to manage the stressors. I lost nine of my ten fingers four years ago. In the first few months afterward, I couldn't imagine myself doing the things I had done before losing the fingers. However, over time, I gained more perspective both in terms of the ability I still had, but also in terms of a more appropriate perspective about what I could no longer do. I can't write, and I was studying two foreign languages at the time. After losing the ability to write, I decided learning those languages was unrealistic. I would love to be learning languages again, but, I don't miss it — I've learned to fill that space with other things, and am able to do most of the things I did prior to the amputations. (Maybe I'm not making any sense; loneliness is, indeed, a tough nut to crack.)

Anyway, I just wanted to affirm the value of reason and logic. I'm not a particularly rational thinker myself, but I'm told reason and logical thinking are great assets. So, you're equipped!