Hi and welcome to AF!
Your story seems familiar, I can relate to being ostracized because of asking too many and hard questions and being too smart.
As for the suicidal part and the cutting, I have several friends, who have been down that path. I know it might be a small consolation, but they have all managed to overcome the pain, moved away from their narrow-minded tiny towns and pursued their dreams. I am convinced that you can do it too. Remember, no matter how lonely things get, if you can rely on yourself you have a safe haven in your own mind. No one can hurt you there, unless you invite someone to do so. You might not have any atheist friends yet, but you are more than welcome to stay with us.
Locking yourself in your room might be especially bad if you're an extrovert, but the internet is at least a small lifeline to other people. Otherwise I dare say that you spend your time well. You play the sax and the flute? That's awesome! I never even managed to get a decent sound out of a saxophone, though I tried several times.
I say go to Oxford to study physics, otherwise come to Finland, where university education is basically free, all you have to do is learn some Finnish or Swedish beforehand
Your story seems familiar, I can relate to being ostracized because of asking too many and hard questions and being too smart.
As for the suicidal part and the cutting, I have several friends, who have been down that path. I know it might be a small consolation, but they have all managed to overcome the pain, moved away from their narrow-minded tiny towns and pursued their dreams. I am convinced that you can do it too. Remember, no matter how lonely things get, if you can rely on yourself you have a safe haven in your own mind. No one can hurt you there, unless you invite someone to do so. You might not have any atheist friends yet, but you are more than welcome to stay with us.
Locking yourself in your room might be especially bad if you're an extrovert, but the internet is at least a small lifeline to other people. Otherwise I dare say that you spend your time well. You play the sax and the flute? That's awesome! I never even managed to get a decent sound out of a saxophone, though I tried several times.
I say go to Oxford to study physics, otherwise come to Finland, where university education is basically free, all you have to do is learn some Finnish or Swedish beforehand
When I was young, there was a god with infinite power protecting me. Is there anyone else who felt that way? And was sure about it? but the first time I fell in love, I was thrown down - or maybe I broke free - and I bade farewell to God and became human. Now I don't have God's protection, and I walk on the ground without wings, but I don't regret this hardship. I want to live as a person. -Arina Tanemura
