Well, when I first admitted to myself that I didn't really believe in God, I had an immediate horror of the situation. I sunk into a depression for about two weeks where I cried every day, experienced panic attacks and generally believed that being a human being was an utter curse if all we were going to do was vanish without trace. I went to the doctor first of all, which I would urge you to do. He diagnosed me as despressive and gave me some beta blockers which helped me to get my physical symptoms under control and think clearly.
Once I was balanced again, I realised that there must be something I wasn't seeing. Lots of other people were happy atheists and I figured they must have some insights that I did not. I read as much as I could about atheism and fear of death and I realised that death was nothing to be afraid of. Yes, it was sad that life was finite but that is what makes it so special. As Dawkins says, we are all exceptionally lucky to have made it down the evolutionary and genetic chain to be here at all! Once I realised that I was free from all the guilt and incertainty that came with religion, I found I felt very liberated indeed. I feel completely free and so much happier now to live my life according to my own path.
So, to answer your question, yes I have been where you are. You need medical assistance to get over it and you need to figure out what it is that makes your life special and meaningful right now. Regardless of whether you believe in God or not, you have to do those things on your own.
Once I was balanced again, I realised that there must be something I wasn't seeing. Lots of other people were happy atheists and I figured they must have some insights that I did not. I read as much as I could about atheism and fear of death and I realised that death was nothing to be afraid of. Yes, it was sad that life was finite but that is what makes it so special. As Dawkins says, we are all exceptionally lucky to have made it down the evolutionary and genetic chain to be here at all! Once I realised that I was free from all the guilt and incertainty that came with religion, I found I felt very liberated indeed. I feel completely free and so much happier now to live my life according to my own path.
So, to answer your question, yes I have been where you are. You need medical assistance to get over it and you need to figure out what it is that makes your life special and meaningful right now. Regardless of whether you believe in God or not, you have to do those things on your own.
