I'll start by discussing "relationship" advice that I think is bad.
When I was first starting out in college the Christians were pushing "Group dating" rather than dating one-on-one.
Well it is not easy to set up a group date. Especially if you don't know the girl that well. It is bad enough to have to call up the girl that you're interested in and ask her out, let alone having to call up other single friends and to try and set up a "group date".
And as I discovered -- on the first, and last, group date that I ever went on -- you need to establish who is with who ahead of time! I mean you're on the group date and the girl that you are interested is showing interest in you and talking to you, when suddenly another guy starts competing with you for her attention...
And I noticed that Christian groups were sort of class societies and there were certain guys who were allowed to just date one-on-one. Like the student leader of the church college group. At the end of the school year he announced that he was engaged and introduced his fiance to the group.
I said something to my friend like "I didn't even know that he had a girlfriend."
And he told me "Yeah he like to keep his personal life private."
"So he was just going on regular dates with her?"
And my friend looks at me like I'm an idiot, "Yes! He's a more mature Christian."
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Then the Christians came up with the brilliant idea of "Courting" instead of dating.
Instead of asking the girl out on a date you tell her that you would like to "court" her. Both your parents and her parents get involved. The "dates" are chaperoned and she is told that breaking off the "courtship" is almost the equivalent of breaking off an engagement.
Wow talk about moving fast and a making things high pressure! I guess you better be extremely careful and choosy about who you court!
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Then there is the bizarre Christian preoccupation with masturbation. Why do they even worry about it? It's like the somehow think that if you don't masturbate then you won't have any sexual thoughts -- and you won't fool around. It always operated exactly the opposite with me. I think that as a guy you need the sexual release.
I wonder about Priests who have to live a celibate life. They are forbidden from having a sexual relationship with women. So what do they do? They molest young boys. I guess that technically they're still not having sex with women!!!
And I have dated ex-Nuns before -- and I can tell that is a mistake! But it is a thrill though. Talk about a sex craved woman! One woman I dated had been out of the convent for a little over a year and I found out that she had about 6 different "boyfriends". One of them got her pregnant and she married him.
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And I always hear Christians giving advice like "You need to be happy and well adjusted all by yourself before you consider dating and marrying. Because the woman won't fill that "void" in your life."
The hell she won't! I have been my happiest and "best adjusted" when I was in a good relationship. Maybe a bad relationship won't fill the "void" but a good relationship sure as hell can! Of course people can argue "Well then why aren't you married to her?" And I have to admit that we were different. Different goals, different ambitions, and.... I financially wasn't ready to get married and support children.. And after a painful breakup she quickly married somebody else and my chances of getting back together with her were gone.
But the experience tells me that a good relationship can definitely fill the "void" -- the need to be with somebody to love and share your life with. And I'm not sure that I really regret the past relationships that did not make it. I have good memories and enjoyed life more at that time because of the relationship. I'd like to think that we both did.
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When I was first starting out in college the Christians were pushing "Group dating" rather than dating one-on-one.
Well it is not easy to set up a group date. Especially if you don't know the girl that well. It is bad enough to have to call up the girl that you're interested in and ask her out, let alone having to call up other single friends and to try and set up a "group date".
And as I discovered -- on the first, and last, group date that I ever went on -- you need to establish who is with who ahead of time! I mean you're on the group date and the girl that you are interested is showing interest in you and talking to you, when suddenly another guy starts competing with you for her attention...
And I noticed that Christian groups were sort of class societies and there were certain guys who were allowed to just date one-on-one. Like the student leader of the church college group. At the end of the school year he announced that he was engaged and introduced his fiance to the group.
I said something to my friend like "I didn't even know that he had a girlfriend."
And he told me "Yeah he like to keep his personal life private."
"So he was just going on regular dates with her?"
And my friend looks at me like I'm an idiot, "Yes! He's a more mature Christian."
----------------------------------
Then the Christians came up with the brilliant idea of "Courting" instead of dating.
Instead of asking the girl out on a date you tell her that you would like to "court" her. Both your parents and her parents get involved. The "dates" are chaperoned and she is told that breaking off the "courtship" is almost the equivalent of breaking off an engagement.
Wow talk about moving fast and a making things high pressure! I guess you better be extremely careful and choosy about who you court!
----------------------------------
Then there is the bizarre Christian preoccupation with masturbation. Why do they even worry about it? It's like the somehow think that if you don't masturbate then you won't have any sexual thoughts -- and you won't fool around. It always operated exactly the opposite with me. I think that as a guy you need the sexual release.
I wonder about Priests who have to live a celibate life. They are forbidden from having a sexual relationship with women. So what do they do? They molest young boys. I guess that technically they're still not having sex with women!!!
And I have dated ex-Nuns before -- and I can tell that is a mistake! But it is a thrill though. Talk about a sex craved woman! One woman I dated had been out of the convent for a little over a year and I found out that she had about 6 different "boyfriends". One of them got her pregnant and she married him.
-------------------------------
And I always hear Christians giving advice like "You need to be happy and well adjusted all by yourself before you consider dating and marrying. Because the woman won't fill that "void" in your life."
The hell she won't! I have been my happiest and "best adjusted" when I was in a good relationship. Maybe a bad relationship won't fill the "void" but a good relationship sure as hell can! Of course people can argue "Well then why aren't you married to her?" And I have to admit that we were different. Different goals, different ambitions, and.... I financially wasn't ready to get married and support children.. And after a painful breakup she quickly married somebody else and my chances of getting back together with her were gone.
But the experience tells me that a good relationship can definitely fill the "void" -- the need to be with somebody to love and share your life with. And I'm not sure that I really regret the past relationships that did not make it. I have good memories and enjoyed life more at that time because of the relationship. I'd like to think that we both did.
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