Bad Christian advice for dating, marriage, etc

[Drich]

I'll start by discussing "relationship" advice that I think is bad.

When I was first starting out in college the Christians were pushing "Group dating" rather than dating one-on-one.

Well it is not easy to set up a group date. Especially if you don't know the girl that well. It is bad enough to have to call up the girl that you're interested in and ask her out, let alone having to call up other single friends and to try and set up a "group date".

And as I discovered -- on the first, and last, group date that I ever went on -- you need to establish who is with who ahead of time! I mean you're on the group date and the girl that you are interested is showing interest in you and talking to you, when suddenly another guy starts competing with you for her attention...

This is a really bad example of 'group dating.' When I was in that collage age group, i started a singles group in my church which originally consisted of 6 members, and just two years later there were over 70. One of the more successful things we did was Group dating. This was organized all by the group ahead of time where 6 random guys were paired with 6 girls by drawing names from a hat, and the 12 of us would all go to some event or meal and sit with and make the effort to talk to the person he/she was paired with. At the time I started to see the numbers start to dwindle, but then I noticed people dropped out of the group in pairs. They found someone they liked, and started to plan their own events with other couples. Their were 6 marriages and at last count 15 kids born as a result of the 'group dating' at our church. (Including me/mine.)

And I noticed that Christian groups were sort of class societies and there were certain guys who were allowed to just date one-on-one. Like the student leader of the church college group. At the end of the school year he announced that he was engaged and introduced his fiance to the group.

I said something to my friend like "I didn't even know that he had a girlfriend."

And he told me "Yeah he like to keep his personal life private."

"So he was just going on regular dates with her?"

And my friend looks at me like I'm an idiot, "Yes! He's a more mature Christian."

So?

Then the Christians came up with the brilliant idea of "Courting" instead of dating.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Courtship

Courting i something far older than Christianity. In the above link there is evidence that points to ancient Greece and China.

Then there is the bizarre Christian preoccupation with masturbation. Why do they even worry about it?

It not masturbation that is the issue. It is the pornography that accompanies it that destroys one soul.

It's like the somehow think that if you don't masturbate then you won't have any sexual thoughts -- and you won't fool around. It always operated exactly the opposite with me. I think that as a guy you need the sexual release.

Which is why we have one programmed into us to automatically happen if we go too long with out a sexual release.

I wonder about Priests who have to live a celibate life. They are forbidden from having a sexual relationship with women. So what do they do? They molest young boys. I guess that technically they're still not having sex with women!!!

did see that joke coming!

And I have dated ex-Nuns before -- and I can tell that is a mistake! But it is a thrill though. Talk about a sex craved woman! One woman I dated had been out of the convent for a little over a year and I found out that she had about 6 different "boyfriends". One of them got her pregnant and she married him.

That is why Paul tell us it is good to marry, and that no one should forbid marriage.

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And I always hear Christians giving advice like "You need to be happy and well adjusted all by yourself before you consider dating and marrying. Because the woman won't fill that "void" in your life."

This is true. If not your relationship is doomed to fail. Because otherwise what ends up happening is the need person in the relationship end up taking from the other. Depending on who or how the other person is equip to deal in these type of relationships the relationship can go on for a while or it will fail quickly. Because in the end if one person is always taking from the other and does not give back to the other person (Which he/she can not do unless they are well adjusted themselves.)

The hell she won't! I have been my happiest and "best adjusted" when I was in a good relationship. Maybe a bad relationship won't fill the "void" but a good relationship sure as hell can! Of course people can argue "Well then why aren't you married to her?" And I have to admit that we were different. Different goals, different ambitions, and.... I financially wasn't ready to get married and support children.. And after a painful breakup she quickly married somebody else and my chances of getting back together with her were gone.

But the experience tells me that a good relationship can definitely fill the "void" -- the need to be with somebody to love and share your life with. And I'm not sure that I really regret the past relationships that did not make it. I have good memories and enjoyed life more at that time because of the relationship. I'd like to think that we both did.

Finding happiness and 'filling the void' is not the same. That would be like being hungry and then eating. It seems as if you are satisfied after you eat, but sooner or later you will be hungry again. Did you fill the void by eating or did you just fill an immediate need? When one fills the void we all have placed in our hearts, then He/She will never hunger again. This allows that person to be whatever the other person need their partner to be, give the couple a far better chance of overcoming things like Goals, ambitions, money, and even drug and or physical/health issues.

That said i am not saying two messed up people can not find happiness together. I am pointing out these are the exceptions and not the rule.